Initially, you felt like this guy was the one. You’ve been together for a while. He has met your friends and family. But, lately you have had mixed feelings about him. You love him, but it just feels different. You are beginning to wonder, if he is the one?

So, why have you stayed with him, when you’ve had this feeling. Maybe, it took you a long time to meet him. He comes around a lot. He creates a sense of safety for you. We all want to be in a committed relationship. We want to feel loved, and be able to give love. But, you need to be careful. Staying with the wrong guy can be a big mistake.

10 Signs He’s Not The One To Marry:

  1. Not much of an emotional connection. For a relationship to last, you need to feel the emotional connection. You need to know your partner inside and out. This goes way beyond the bedroom. Your partner needs to know your hopes and dreams. What has driven you to be the person you are? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? There needs to be the safety in the relationship to share this information about yourself. This means there is a culture of trust and understanding. This is what will help keep you together during the difficult times.
  2. He makes up excuses as to why he won’t go exclusive in the relationship. He knows that you like him, and he says that he likes you. But, every time you talk about going exclusive in the relationship, he gives you an excuse. This leaves you feeling empty and questioning his sincerity. As, it should. If he won’t go exclusive after seeing him for a while, then it’s time to move on.
  3. He doesn’t always tell the truth. It’s important to be honest in a relationship. This is how you build trust. This is the foundation of a relationship. Even if the lie seems small, it will make you question the relationship. If he has lied to you and you have stayed with him, then you need to ask yourself why? Most of the time one lie builds on another.
  4. He rarely says, “I love you.” Saying the L word can be scary. But, if you have been seeing him for a long time, it’s important that he says it. If he can’t or won’t say it, this means he doesn’t take you seriously. You need to hear those three words. If you aren’t hearing them, then it’s time to move on.
  5. You’re ignoring one of your deal breakers. I’m not talking about your list of qualities that you’re looking for in your dream relationship. I’m talking about those few must haves on your list. The things you told yourself you wouldn’t compromise on. This is where you need to be true to yourself. If you don’t, you will be short changing yourself. You won’t be getting what you want out of life.
  6. You don’t feel like a priority in his life. In a relationship, you need to feel you are his priority. This is how you know your partner has your back, no matter what. If you don’t feel this way, you will have a hard time trusting him.
  7. You can’t be yourself. You feel you need to be someone else when you are around him. You feel this way, because he doesn’t accept you for the person you are. Are you worried you may upset him, if you get emotional around him? He needs to accept all parts of you. With good comes the bad. You aren’t perfect and neither is he.
  8. You feel like you are doing all the giving in the relationship. This doesn’t mean I want you to count. But, in a relationship it’s important to give and receive. You shouldn’t feel like you are killing yourself to make this relationship work. Your relationship shouldn’t deplete you. Does if feel like everything in the relationship is on his terms? If the answer is yes, then it’s time to move on.
  9. You don’t feel respected in the relationship. It’s easy to overlook respect in a relationship. But, this is an important one. Does he make fun of your work? Does he comfort you when you have an argument with your mom, or does he make fun of you? It’s important he respects your beliefs and you as a person. If he doesn’t, this will cause you to resent him.
  10. Your gut tells you something is wrong. No matter how much you feel like you love him, if your gut tells you something is wrong chances are something is. I know you want to be in a loving relationship. This is how we are wired. But, being in the wrong relationship can be worse than being alone.

You really need to think about what you need in a relationship. Don’t cut yourself short. This doesn’t mean that you don’t make any compromises. Just don’t forget yourself in the process. You will get through this and meet the right guy.

Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, in San Mateo, CA. She has helped many women in her practice feel hopeful about meeting the right guy. For a free 15-minute phone consultation or more information, please call or email (650) 892-0357 or  

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