As many of you know, I am a Marriage & Family Therapist and I have been trained to use The Gottman Method. This is a method used for counseling couples and I absolutely love it. Over the thirteen years I have worked as a therapist, I have tried a few things, and nothing is as effective with couples as The Gottman Method. This method is based from forty years of research, for more information about The Gottman Method, please visit www.Gottman.com.
“When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said.” Catherine Gilbert Murdock
We’ve found that couples either have the positive sentiment override or the negative sentiment override. We tell couples to focus on building their emotional bank account. Think about it, when you have a savings account and you contribute to it, then you account will grow. But, if you are always withdrawing from it, then eventually the account will close. This is exactly how your emotional back account works. This doesn’t mean keep score. This means that you focus on building the emotional bank account. This way, it will continue to grow and this will help build the positive sentiment override in your relationship. You want to have as much of the positive sentiment override, as possible in your relationship. I’m sure if you’re in a relationship or if you’ve been in a relationship, then you know that at one time or another we all make mistakes. I hear this all the time in my practice, ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’ Focus on building your emotional bank account, that way the tough times won’t be so bad.
If you are in a relationship and are thinking about going to counseling, then I highly recommend you find a Marriage & Family Therapist that has been trained to use The Gottman Method. Gottman uses research based interventions and exercises; it helps couples break down the walls in their relationship. This will help couples achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy in their relationship. The Gottman Method is structured and goal oriented. The interventions are based upon empirical data based from Dr. Gottman’s research. If you find after reading this article that you may need couples counseling, then please call me for a consultation at (650) 892-0357.