Many people feel like they are stuck in their relationship. It’s basically the same thing day in and day out. They want it to be like when they first met. Maybe, they feel it’s weighing them down. Here are four practical and effective tips that can help you become reasonably happy in your relationship.
- Accepting influence. This is about sharing power in the relationship. It’s important to take your partner’s opinions into consideration when making decisions. Marriages that are the most happiest and stable still have disagreements. Instead of lashing out at one another they try to find common ground about the disagreement.
- Active listening. This is a popular method for conflict resolution. This is where one partner listens without interrupting the person speaking. This is not about persuading your partner or getting them to side with you. This is to help build understanding in the relationship. This is also not a time to attack one another.
- Attunement. This is having a good understanding of your partner’s inner world. This offers a blueprint for building and reviving trust in the relationship. When couples can understand each other at a deeper level and express it lovingly to one another, real intimacy will exist in the relationship. One of the major stumbling blocks to attunement is a difference in how each partner “feels about feelings,” especially negative ones.
- Bids. This is a request in words or deeds. You are asking your partner for support or understanding. Every bid in a relationship initiates a sliding glass door moment. This is a moment that helps build trust in the relationship. It only takes a few minutes but the small things add up.
For more help in your relationship, we recommend reading The Seven Principles for Making Relationships Work by Dr. John Gottman. If you find this is not enough, then please give me a call for a consultation at (650) 892-0357.