After counseling many couples, one of the biggest complaints that I hear is that ‘the romance has faded.’ One of my favorite exercises in “Gottman” is the Love Map exercise. You can buy these cards at their website, or you can buy the app and download it on your smart phone. Updating your Love Maps will help you reconnect with your partner. Love Maps entail how well you know one another. How well do you know your partner’s worries, fears, goals, etc. If you aren’t familiar with Love Maps, here is an example. 

Instructions: Sit facing each other, one of you asks the other the first question below. The listener then answers the question as it relates to your partner’s world. For example:

Speaker: “What is your partner’s favorite thing to do in their free time?”
Listener: “I think you like to read in your free time.” -or- “I’m not sure, what is your favorite thing to do in your free time?”

Keep alternating and taking turns. This will help you get to know one another. Remember to be gentle with one another and do not keep score. The following questions are just a place to begin.
  • Describe your partner’s vision for your life together over the next five years.
  • Who is your partner’s favorite band or musician?
  • What would be an ideal job for your partner?
  • What is your partner’s favorite movie?
  • What is most relaxing to your partner?
  • What is your partner most afraid of?
  • What is your partner’s dream vacation?
  • What is your partner’s worst childhood experience?
Do not give advice to one another and offer gentle corrections. This is not meant to lead to a solution. Remember, a committed relationship is a work in progress.


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