Take time to get to know yourself when you are single.

Being single doesn’t have to be a death sentence. When you are single it’s easy to forget that nearly half of the population is single. This means you are not alone on this. This is a great time to explore and do things that you couldn’t do, if you were married.

The first thing you want to do, is take a look at your mindset. What do you say to yourself? Are you telling yourself things like, there is nothing worse than being single, or I will never meet the right person. One that I hear a lot is, all the good ones are taken. If you are saying these things, or things like that, then you are setting yourself up for failure.

I want you to write a list of the things that you are grateful for. Keep this list close by, so when you are feeling bad about being single you can read it. It’s important to take care of yourself when you are single. This will help you feel better, and it won’t make your life feel or sound horrible.

Here are 5 tips for taking care of yourself when you are single:

  1. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Live your life. Don’t be embarrassed because you are not part of a couple. You are going to make mistakes, at times. This is called being a human being. Buy yourself a birthday gift. And, make sure it is something that you really like. Be open to trying new things. If it doesn’t work out, that’s alright. At least you tried.
  2. Foster other relationships. Relationships can come and go. This is a great time to spend with family and friends. Nurture these relationships. Invite friends and family over for dinner, or to a concert. Make sure you offer your undivided attention to them, when you are with them. And, don’t spend the whole time complaining about being single.
  3. Do things alone. This may sound obvious. But, many single people fear doing things alone. I once had a friend that couldn’t even go to the grocery store alone. She was always worried about what others were thinking. Most of the time people don’t even notice that you are alone. Make it an adventure. Where have you been wanting to go? I want you to go there, alone. Talk to strangers and enjoy the day.
  4. Learn to feel. It’s easy to keep your feelings in. Overtime, your feeling will build up. We have found in therapy it’s best to talk about your feelings. When you don’t talk about your feelings, you tend to stay stuck. If you are sad, angry or disappointed, then let it out. Just don’t hurt anyone else in the process. Make sure that you express your feelings of happiness, as well.
  5. Spend time getting to know yourself. Since I am a therapist, I am a big proponent of self awareness. Take this time to figure out what you want. What are your dreams? What has caused setbacks in your life? What things do you worry about? For example, are you always the planner? Does this help you have control in the situation? If that’s the case, work on why you are that way. Did you learn this as a child? Whatever the reason, try and figure it out. It’s only when you start to figure out why you do things, that you will change them.

This wasn’t the usual, take a bubble bath or get a massage type of self care article. Although, there is nothing wrong with that. I want you to dig a little deeper. I want you to take this time to learn who you are. Rather, than looking for someone to complete you.

Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, in San Mateo, CA. She has helped many singles, find the love they are looking for in their lives. For more information, please call or email (650) 892-0357 or Lianne@LessonsforLove.com.

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