Men aren’t like women, they don’t talk about their needs the way we do. Whether it’s social conditioning or they are just wired differently, doesn’t matter. We are all human beings and we all have the desire to connect with someone in a relationship. Whether you are a man or woman, reading this article will help give you clarity on your intimate relationship. Here are four things men want in a relationship:
- See things from his point of view, and this does mean sex. Stop having sexless nights. There is a reason we have sex and it is to connect. Sex is a deep and powerful form of intimacy. Men tend to focus more on sex and women tend to focus on love. For a man the initial attraction is sex. For a woman it’s based on the love they feel.
- Praise and approval. Men have tender egos. They need frequent reassurance about themselves, the relationship and their career path. They may not need as much verbal praise as women do, but this doesn’t mean they don’t need it. This also, doesn’t mean you keep score. Just keep doing more of a good thing.
- Emotional intimacy. Men are taught at a very young age to avoid appearing weak. This includes complaining, talking about their fears and expressing self-doubt. In a relationship, a man’s partner is his safe space. He can let down the armour. Just as women need to open up slowly in a sexual relationship, men open up over time emotionally. He needs to feel safe with you before he will cry in front of you, and know you won’t throw it back in his face. If you don’t let him open up emotionally, over time you will push him away. This could eventually destroy the relationship.
- Security, both men and women are attracted to certainty in a relationship. Both, men and women need to feel like their partner is in it for the long haul. This will help them open up in the relationship. But, security isn’t just knowing you won’t leave him. It goes much deeper than that. Knowing you approve of him and his career, will help him feel more secure in the relationship. He also feels secure when you touch and play with him throughout the day.
Dr. John Gottman is a sensitive researcher of relationships. I have taken three of The Gottman trainings for couples. If after reading this article, you feel you need help in getting your partner to open up, please call me at (650) 892-0357 for a consultation.