|“What I love most about my home is who I share it with.” Tad Carpenter|
If you’ve read my blog, then you know the majority of what I write about couples is based from the research of Dr. John Gottman. If you are new to reading my blog, then you now know where all of these tips for couples comes from. Dr. John Gottman has done over four decades of research in working with couples and can predict with 94% accuracy if a couple will divorce. Here are four negative behaviors in a relationship that can predict divorce:
- Criticism: stating one’s complaints as a defect in one’s partners personality. For example, giving the partner negative trait attributions. “You always talk about yourself, you are so selfish.”
- Defensiveness: self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victim-hood. Defensiveness wards off a perceived attack. For example, “It’s not my fault we’re always late, it’s your fault you never write anything down in your planner.”
- Contempt: statements that come from a relative position of superiority. Contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce and must be eliminated. If you are telling your partner, they are an “idiot,” then you really need to stop.
- Stonewalling: emotional withdrawal from interaction. This is also known as the silent treatment and will make your partner feel isolated and alone in the relationship.