“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationship everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” Epicurus

Is there a problem in your relationship, which you and your partner can’t get over? If your answer is yes, then you may feel doomed. Don’t despair, it’s not too late. You need to learn to go from gridlock to dialogue. Here are some questions to help determine if there is gridlock in your relationship:

Please answer true or false.
  1. The same problems keep coming up again and again in our relationship.
  2. We rarely make much progress on our central issues.
  3. We keep hurting each other whenever we discuss our core issues.
  4. I feel criticized and misunderstood when we discuss our hot topics.
  5. My partner has a long list of basically unreasonable demands.
  6. When we discuss our basic issues, I often feel that my partner doesn’t even like me.
  7. My partner wants me to change my basic personality.
  8. I often keep quiet and withdraw to avoid stirring up too much conflict.
  9. I don’t feel respected when we disagree.
  10. My partner often acts in a selfish manner.
  11. What I say in our discussions rarely has much effect.
  12. I feel put down in our discussions of key issues.
  13. I can’t really be myself in this relationship.
  14. I often think that my partner is manipulating me.
  15. Sometimes I think that my partner doesn’t care about my feelings.
  16. My partner rarely makes a real effort to change.
  17. There are some basic faults in my partner’s personality that he or she will not change.
  18. My partner disregards my fundamental needs.
  19. Sometimes I feel that my values don’t matter to my partner.
  20. When we discuss our issues, my partner acts as if I am totally wrong and he or she is totally right.
If you answered true to five or more questions, then your relationship is in gridlock. The first step in overcoming gridlock is to find the root cause of your conflict. Usually, gridlocked conflicts are a sign that one or both of you have deep dreams that aren’t being respected or realized in the relationship. For more help in learning to go from gridlock to dialogue therapy is necessary. Please call me for at (650) 892-0357 for a consultation.

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