As most of you know I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and I have completed Levels 1, 2 & 3 in Gottman Couples Training. Gottman, of course, is the expert on relationships and is backed with 40 years of research. I absolutely love this method. After trying many different methods in working with couples, I have found this to be practical and effective. A lot of people ask me if I see other clients in my practice, and my response is yes. I also work with individuals, whether they are dealing with depression, anxiety or the loss of a relationship. I have found that people tend to repeat the same patterns in life and often don’t understand why. Maybe, they have a low self-esteem, fear being alone or had a difficult childhood. Maybe, they feel they have always been the underdog and can never get a break in life.

Are the root of their problems that they fear rejection, have to be right or they just can’t relax? The reality is, it could be all three of these reasons. People have many reasons for acting the way they do. I have found that it is best to go easy on yourself. Yes, it’s alright to think of yourself and how to simplify your life. After counseling people for 13 years, I have found a lot of people have a hard time saying no. If this sounds like you here are three tips to help you decide when you need to say no:
  1. What are the consequences of saying yes? If you say yes, will you have enough time to complete your errands, chores, etc.?
  2. Do you feel pressured to say yes? Do you feel the person making the request is sincere, or do they only come around when they want something?
  3. What gives you a sense of peace in your life? Are you around good company? Sometimes when you around people you may not feel heard or you may even feel drained after they leave. If this is the case, you may want to take a look at the people in your life and evaluate if they are a good choice for you.
If it is hard for you to say no, then practice saying no. The more you say no the easier it becomes and it will feel more natural. Remember, body language and tone also count. For more help, feel free to give me a call for a consultation at (650) 892-0357.

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