Check, Please!

Over the past ten years, I have treated a lot of couples. One complaint that I hear a lot from men is they begin to feel like they are just a paycheck in the relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in the children, the house and all the other things that we need to do in life. Here are four tips for women that will help make their husband’s feel valued in the relationship:
  1. Accept influence from him. What is your reaction when he has a different idea than yours? Allow your husband to influence you. Listen to his point of view. This is a great way to make him feel important in the relationship. Stay committed to building a strong friendship based relationship. Don’t always point out what he does wrong; point out what he does right.
  2. Ask for what you need. Try to be as specific as you can. This doesn’t mean you demand him to do what you want, let him know your desires. For example, ask him to put the dishes away before he goes to bed, instead of put the dishes away now. Let him know you need to be able to count on him when he says he will do something.
  3. Know him. This is what all men, and people, really want. Don’t assume you know everything about him. People are complicated and are always changing. Be curious about your partner; take an interest in his work and hobbies. Ask open-ended questions, often. For example, if you could have any job what would it be? This helps form the foundation for intimacy.
  4. Like him. Not only does he want to be known, he wants to know that you enjoy him. Stay away from berating, shaming and pouting. He will start to feel you don’t like him, even if he knows you love him. Like him out loud, say thank you and compliment him. Appreciate him; let him know the things that he does that add value to the relationship. If your husband feel appreciated, he will want to spend time with you.
At the end of the day, it’s pretty simple. Prioritize your relationship and have fun together. These tips are based from Dr. Gottman’s research. They are pretty simplistic but can easily be forgotten in a relationship. For more help, please call me at (650) 892-0357.

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