You’ve been in a relationship for about a year, now, and you’ve been out on a ton of dates with your man. You’ve tried to remain positive about the relationship. But, something just doesn’t feel right. You’re not quite sure what it is. But, you just can’t seem to shake that feeling. Is he the one?
Maybe, you find yourself enjoying the security of having a relationship. All of your friends are starting to get married and have a family. But, you aren’t married yet. Maybe, you fear you won’t meet anyone else. So, you hang on to the one you have. Why not? He has a good job and he is reliable.
I know this is a difficult decision. It is also one of the biggest decisions you will make in your life. Here are 6 reasons, that say it’s time to move on:
- He never stops working. You can’t remember the last time you had a date, where he wasn’t glued to his phone. He is always talking about work. Sure, he talks about wanting to move up the ladder. But, it’s for his own selfish reasons. He never asks for your input, and he doesn’t take your work seriously. This is a sign he could be a workaholic. If that’s the case, then he could have some deep rooted problems he needs to heal from.
- You think he will change. If your guy doesn’t respect you in the beginning, chances are he won’t ever respect you. When you start a relationship you have a dream. You want to get married and have a family. It’s easy to ignore the red flags when you feel this way. When going into a relationship it’s important to know what your red flags are, and stick to them.
- It’s all about him. When was the last time he asked you, what you wanted? Sure, he made you dinner. But, he only makes you what he likes. He makes decisions without your input. Like, deciding you will go to Santa Cruz for the long weekend without discussing it with you. Then, he makes sure you pay your half, right down the line. Relationships are about compromises. This guy thinks in “me,” rather than “we.”
- You don’t want to be alone. This is an easy mistake to make. As human beings we all need a relationship. But, the last thing you want to do is be in one because you feel lonely. I know when you are single, it feels like everyone, but you, is in a relationship. Many people feel it’s better to be in a relationship, rather than be alone, even if the person is abusive. In the long run this will tear you down and ruin your self esteem. If you’re holding on to the wrong one because you are scared of being alone. Remind yourself that you can find the right one, but not when you are with the wrong one.
- You’re missing out on other men. When you stay with the wrong one, you miss out on meeting the right one. This guy only comes around when it’s convenient for him. He didn’t remember your birthday. He doesn’t offer to bring you soup when you are sick. He knows he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with you, but yet he keeps you around. Face it, you are his bootie call and you deserve better than this.
- And lastly, you don’t want to hurt his feelings. I know he is nice, but he’s just not a good match for you. You still don’t feel that emotional connection, that you are needing. I know you feel bad for sticking with him as long as you have. But, it’s not fair to yourself or him, if you don’t end it. He is an adult and he will get over it, and move on.
A bad relationship won’t change overnight. Sticking around will only make matters worse. Learn what you can from the experience. Now, you know what you don’t want. Talk to friends and family, and read self-help books. It will be hard at first, but eventually you will be able to move on.
Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in San Mateo, CA. She has helped many people heal from a difficult relationship. For a free 15-minute phone consultation or more information, please visit www.LessonsforLove.com.