Dating 101

lessons for how to move on when the one you love got away

We all have that one person you call, “the one that got away.” In the beginning, you thought he was great. You just couldn’t get him out of your head. But, when the time came to commit, you got cold feet. Perhaps, you just weren’t ready for a commitment.

Now it’s over, you wonder if he’s the one and you made a big mistake. You can’t go back, what’s done is done. Sitting around having regrets about the past, never does anyone any good. He’s gone and it’s time to move on.

Here are 10 tips to help you move on, even if you still feel he’s the one:

  1. He’s probably moved on. So, why haven’t you? Maybe, he wasn’t that into you. He didn’t deserve you, and you shouldn’t waste your time on him anymore. I doubt he is sitting at home worrying about you, eating a pint of ice cream.
  2. Try to remember the good times. When a relationship ends, it’s easy to focus on what went wrong. You probably had a good time with him, and experienced things with him you had never experienced. Try to appreciate those memories, for what they are.
  3. The truth is, it ended for a reason. Like all breakups, it ended for a good reason. Whether you ended it, or he ended it. Maybe, there were fundamental differences. The key is to remember why it ended. Then, remember to tell yourself it ended for the right reasons. This will help you move on.
  4. He doesn’t feel the same way about you. I know this is a hard one to swallow. But, the truth is he doesn’t want to be with you. When a guy really likes you, he will do what it takes to make it happen.
  5. Stop the comparison game. The next time you are out with a new guy, clear your mind. It’s not fair to the new guy, to compare him to your ex. Give the new guy a chance. I know he’s not like your ex. But, there are tons of good qualities about this new guy. Go ahead and give him a chance.
  6. Give yourself time. This is one of the best things you can do. This will take time. You won’t get over it in one day. This is a great time to reflect on the past, and learn. What went wrong? Were you too intense? Give yourself time to experience all the feelings that go with a breakup. This will help in the future when you’re ready to get back out there.
  7. Stop dwelling in the past. The more you dwell on it, the worse you will feel. You will start the bargaining game. This is natural in the beginning, but you don’t want it to last too long. This is what-ifs. Why didn’t I do this or that? You can’t go back, it will do no good to keep running through your mind what you could of done differently.
  8. Talk about your feelings. It’s easy to keep it all in. You may want to remain strong. But, when you don’t talk about your feelings you tend to stay stuck. This will make it difficult to move on and meet new people. Surely, your close friends have experienced something like this. They will want to be there for you. Lean on them.
  9. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Don’t feel like you are doomed. There are many other men out there. The perfect guy is out there, and he is dying to meet you. I know it can be hard, but try to remain positive. Keep friends and family around that are positive, and have your best interest at heart. It’s time to get over the one who got away. Remember, there is someone out there that is better for you.
  10. Don’t forget about self-care. This is an easy one to forget. It’s easy to want to pick up the pieces and move on. You don’t want to think about it. Give yourself a break and some time to recover. Spend time doing things that revive you. Go to the spa or on a hike. Better yet, take that vacation you have always wanted to take.

Break-ups are never easy. But, you will get through it and be able to move on. Take it slow and don’t make any big decisions at this time. We all make mistakes. The good news, is you will be able to learn from it and make better decisions in the future.

If you would like more information about managing your relationship challenges and dealing with the one who got away, there are many other articles here.

Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in San Mateo, CA. She has helped many people through a break up, and provide hope for them. For more information or a free 15-minute phone consultation, please visit www.LessonsforLove.com.

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