You’ve been hurt in the past. This makes it hard to trust yourself. You really like this guy. You can feel it in your gut.
But, what if he’s the one? Or, just another guy that hurts you?
It’s easy to feel this way when you’ve been hurt in the past. It’s actually a good thing that you are questioning the relationship. This means you take it seriously. Try not to overthink it, that never ends good.
The first thing you need to do when you are dating someone is to ask yourself, ‘what are you looking for in a relationship?’ Meaning, do you want a long term relationship with a committed partner? If you answered yes, then continue reading.
This is one of the biggest decisions you will make in your life. Do you want to stay with this guy? Is he the one you want to commit to? If you are in it for the long term, then you want to know that he feels the same.
Here are 11 ways to know, if he's the one?:
- He’s seen you at your worst, and hasn’t left. He stuck with you when you got fired from your job, and your roommate suddenly moved out. You really had a break down at that time. But, that didn’t scare him away. He was there for you. He listened to you. You could cry in front of him, and not worry about being judged. Now, you’ve found a good job and have a great roommate. What a good feeling.
- He doesn’t feel intimidated by your career. He knows that your career is important to you, and he supports it. He knows the direction you’d like to go in your career. He takes a genuine interest in your career, by asking you questions about it. If something important is coming up, then he knows about it.
- You have the same spiritual beliefs. Now, I know this is a tricky one these days. We have all seen the Bible be used to manipulate and control. This is not what it is meant for. Let’s take a look at what some of the core teachings are of the Bible. Forgiveness, humility, honesty, openness, respect, and sacrificial giving. These are beliefs you need in a relationship, when you are in it for the long haul. It’s true, couples that pray together stay together.
- He has planned the perfect date for your based on your likes and dislikes. This means he is paying attention and listening to you. He takes you seriously. Even if it’s something he’s not that crazy about he will still do it, because he knows that you like it. He did all the planning. It could even be a surprise.
- He smiles when you are around. You know by his body language and his tone, without a doubt, that he is into you. This is an important one. You want your partner to be excited when he see’s you at the end of the day. You want to be his favorite part of the day. Without him saying a word, you know. What an amazing feeling. When you know your partner loves you. This will definitely help get you through the difficult times. Like, when the plumbing suddenly breaks down, and you are left with a huge bill.
- He brags about you to his family and friends. When he knows you are the one, he is excited to introduce you to family and friends. He can’t stop talking about you. He has good things to say about you. And, you know this and you love it. He’s not just bragging about you, he is letting them know how important you are to him.
- He hasn’t shown any signs that he is a jealous person. He is confident and doesn’t judge you based on his past relationships. He doesn’t question you when you tell him you were out with some friends, or had to work late. There is genuine trust in the relationship.
- He doesn’t try to change you. There is nothing worse than feeling, like your partner is trying to change you. He knows you love cats, and that is alright. He knows this because you grew up with cats, and it has meaning to you. So, he will make sure there is always a cat in your life. He knows you inside and out, and he accepts you inside and out. This is a great feeling. This let’s you know he has your back. This is really what you want in a relationship.
- His actions speak louder than his words. It’s true, words need to be backed by action. If they aren’t, then it’s not sincere. When he apologizes, he doesn’t do the same thing again. You know he loves you because he says it. But, you also know it because he shows it. He remembers your anniversary. Not just when you officially started dating, but when you first met at your friends party. He’s willing to accept your brother’s quirks, because he knows this mean he gets to be with you. He’s willing to help you out with your car insurance payment and not throw it in your face. He’s doesn’t play Even Steven. He’s not just making one deposit in the bank, he is making many deposits over and over. And, he doesn’t need to be prompted over and over.
- You know you are his priority. If you ask him to go to an event that is important to you. He will, even if it means he has to take time off from work to go. If he travels for work, he checks in with you as soon as he lands and continues to text/call you. He let’s you know how the trip is going. He talks about the details of his day. So, you know the important things that are happening at work for him. He will tell his mom he needs to call her back, when you are in the middle of an important conversation.
- You still have some time for yourself. When starting a relationship it’s easy to put yourself last. This can get old after a while. Your partner will begin to expect this from you. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. If you need some down time, then let him know. You can take a bubble bath, or go out with some friends. Whatever you need to revive.
The perfect relationship doesn’t just happen. You need to know what you want, and not be afraid to ask for it. Don’t get caught up in thinking, it will just work out. This means you need to talk to one another, and ask lots of questions. This will help you get to know one another. It will also build trust and intimacy in the relationship.
Last but not least, make sure you have introduced him to your friends and family. Maybe, you have missed something that they will notice. If they are throwing their arms up in the air, then pay attention to that. Don’t be afraid to ask them what they think about him or notice.
After being in a relationship for a while, he should feel comfortable around your friends and family. Also, make sure you have met his friends and family. Does he behave differently around them? If so, then don’t be afraid to ask why.
Don’t date someone because you feel lonely. This will make you feel insecure, and like you can’t ask anything that will upset him. If you feel lonely, then you should take a look at yourself. Is there something is the past that you need to heal from? If the answer is yes, then you should get help.
You will feel better equipped in a relationship. This means you won’t doubt yourself or your decisions. Remember, this is your heart and you need to take care of it.
If you liked, How Do You Know, If He's The One That Really Loves You? You will find more articles just like this in Dating 101.
I’m Lianne Avila a Marriage & Family Therapist in San Mateo. I’ve helped many people just like yourself, make one of the most important decisions of their life. You can sign up for my free newsletter, for free weekly advice about dating and relationships. You can also call (650) 892-0357 or email Lianne@LessonsforLove.com, to learn more about the services I provide.