Dating 101

You've been hurt in the past. Now, you've met this great guy. Learn how you can trust your gut again.

You're getting older. You are starting to feel it's time to settle down. But, how will you know for sure, if he's the one you want? Yeah, your friends and family like him. But, how do you feel about him?

It's easy to look at the more obvious things, like what kind of job he has or how he looks. You'll find in the long run those things can turn out to be superficial. This doesn't mean they aren't important, but there is more to a man. Meaning, more to the man that is for you.

He's the one you want. How will you know for sure?

My parents managed to stay together for nearly 59 years. I watched them go through a lot of highs and lows. But, in the end they had each other's back. That's what stood out to me the most.

Here are 7 subtle signs he's the one you want:

  1.  He doesn't try to change you. There is nothing worse than feeling like your partner is trying to change you. He know you love cats, and that is okay. He knows that you grew up with cats, and this has meaning to you. So, he will make sure there is always a cat in your life. He knows you inside and out, and he accepts you inside and out. This is a great feeling this lets you know he has your back, no matter what. This is really what you want in a relationship.

  2. You have the same spiritual beliefs. I know this can be a tricky one these days. Unfortunately, we have all seen the Bible being used to manipulate and control This is not what it is meant for. Let's take a look at what are some of the core teachings of the Bible. Forgiveness, humility, honesty, openness, respect, and sacrificial giving. These are beliefs you need in a relationship, when you are in it for the long haul. It's true, couples that pray together stay together. 

  3. His actions speak louder than his words. It's true, words need to be backed by action. If they aren't, then it's not sincere. When he apologizes, this means he doesn't keep doing the same thing. You know he loves you because he says it. But, you also know it because he shows it. He remembers your anniversary. Not just when you officially started dating, but when you first met at your friends party. He's willing to accept your brothers quirks, because he know this means he gets to be with you. He's willing to help you out with your car payment and not throw it in your face. He doesn't play Even Steven. He's not just making one deposit in the bank, he's making many deposits over and over. And, he doesn't need to be prompted over and over.

  4. He brags about you to his family and his friends. When he knows you are the one, he is excited to introduce you to his family and friends. He can't stop talking about you. He has good things to say about you. And, you know this and you love it. He's not just bragging about you, he's letting them know how important you are to him.

  5. He smiles when you are around. You know by his body language and his tone, without a doubt, that he's into you. This is an important one. You want your partner to be excited when he see's you at the end of the day. You want to be his favorite part of the day. Without him saying a word, you know. What an amazing feeling. When you know your partner loves you. This will definitely help you get through the difficult times. Like, when the plumbing suddenly breaks down and you are left with a huge bill.

  6. You know you are his priority. When you ask him to go to an event that is important to you, he will even if it means asking for time off from work. If he travels for work, he checks in with you as soon as he lands and continues to text/call you. He let's you know how his trip is going. He talks about the details of his day. So, you know the important things that are happening at work for him. He will tell his best buddy that he needs to call him back, when he is in the middle of an important conversation with you.

  7. He's seen you at your worst, and hasn't left you. He stuck with you when you got fired from your job, and your roommate suddenly moved out. You really had a breakdown at that time. But, that didn't scare him away. He was there for you. He listened to you. You can cry in front of him, and not worry about being judged. Now, you've found a great job and have a new roommate. What a good feeling.

It's natural to want a relationship in your life. But, you want to make sure you have good boundaries. This will help when you are making one of the biggest decisions in your life. You want your partner to be your best friend. The good news is, this can happen. You just need to keep working on it.

If you liked this article, there is more in Dating 101. You will find helpful tips. that will help you have the happy and successful relationship you desire. 

Lianne Avila is a Marriage & Family Therapist helping singles in San Mateo, CA who are looking for support finding love. Please subscribe to Lianne’s newsletter on www.LessonsforLove.com to learn more about her services and expertise.

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