Dating 101

You are a good catch. Learn some of the subtle reasons as to why you are still single.

You are a good catch. So, why are you still single? First of all, you aren't alone. Nearly 50% of the population is single. So, the odds are in your favor.

It's easy to get stuck in the mindset, that there aren't anymore single people. Once that starts, it just gets worse. There aren't any good men left, they are all taken. If you are telling yourself that, then  you need to stop. This will only make things worse.

Why Am I Still Single?

You keep asking yourself this question. But, you can't come up with an answer. When you are single, it does seem as if everyone is in a relationship. Just turn on the T.V. or look on the internet. All you see are happy couples.

We live in a society that drives being in a relationship. The message you get, is that in order to be happy you need to be in a relationship. But, is that true? How many couples do you know that are in a happy relationship? That are in the type of relationship that you want to be in? 

There are some advantages to being single. Especially during the Holidays. You can go where you would like and visit the relatives you would like to visit. If you'd like to stay home and keep it casual that is fine, too. 

There isn't as much pressure. But, of course, this is the time of year you are supposed to be with family. If you don't have one, this can make you feel alone. You want to be careful about what you believe. You can't always judge a book by it's cover. 

What's important is to have less stress in your life. If you are in a stressful relationship, it can come out on your health. This can lead to physical and mental illness, if you don't take care of it.

There isn't one simple answer to why you are still single. Maybe, you just haven't met the right person. 

Here are 3 reasons why you are still single:

  1. You don't set enough time aside for a relationship. You may spend a lot of time at work or with friends out socializing. The first step to being in a relationship is dating. I hear this a lot, 'I just don't have enough time for dating.' Relationships require your time. This means making sacrifices. If you aren't willing to set aside the time. You probably won't meet anyone. Worse yet, you can give people the wrong impression. They make think you are a workaholic or just into yourself. This will make you appear selfish. As you get older, it may seem harder to meet someone. That may not be the case. You just may not be prioritizing meeting someone special. 

  2. You are dating because you feel lonely. You are looking for someone to complete you. This is the biggest myth around. When you do this, you create a lot of unnecessary pressure. Society has told you, that you need someone to complete you. What you need, is someone you can get along with. Go out and have fun. This is the best way to meet someone. You may also make some new friends along the way. There is nothing worse than meeting someone, and all they do is complain about being single and feeling lonely. Don't be that person. Take this time to try new things. Do you like to travel? If the answer is yes, this is a great time to see a new place. If that feels like to much, go away for a weekend. If you don't want to go alone, then invite a friend. Try new restaurants and new friends groups. That way you won't get bored.

  3. You are afraid of commitment. When you are single, it's easy to get comfortable. You can make your own schedule, and do the things that you enjoy. You don't have to worry about anyone else, or make plans for anyone else. This may feel scary to give up. Even though, you may feel like you are uncomfortable. You may feel ambivalent. This will keep you from stepping outside of your comfort zone. If you want to be in a relationship, then you are going to have to take emotional risks. This is how you will get close to a man. Ambivalence will get in the way and keep you from taking the necessary risks you need to take to be in a relationship. 

When you are in a relationship with the right person, it's the greatest feeling. You need to know what you are looking for, and what you are not willing to give up. This means you need to have your 'must haves' ready when you are dating. This will help you make a decision you are comfortable with.

If you liked this article, there are more in Dating 101. You will find tips that can help you feel better about dating.

Lianne Avila is a Marriage & Family Therapist helping singles in San Mateo, CA who are looking for support finding love. Please subscribe to Lianne’s newsletter on www.LessonsforLove.com to learn more about her services and expertise.

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