Raising Healthy, Happy Kids

Raising Healthy, Happy Kids

parenting expectations vs reality- getting honest about what's really going on with your kids

Maybe, you planned for your baby. You had it all figured out. You had the perfect furniture for the nursery. You felt supported by all your family and friends. Everything was going to be perfect. Or, maybe you didn’t plan for your baby. You had no idea how you were going to get through it.

Either way, after you had the baby you know things don’t always go as planned. You may have had many sleepless night. Maybe, your spouse wasn’t as supportive as you had expected. It took you longer than expected to recover from the pregnancy.

The best you thing you can do at this point, is let go of control. Learn to embrace the chaos. Your life has changed, drastically. Things usually have a way of working out. Try to go with the flow.

Here are 5 myths about parenting:

  1. You should let your baby cry it out.The truth is you can’t spoil a newborn. When they are born, their vision isn’t very well developed. They get used to your scent and your touch. It’s important that your baby knows you are there for them. They know this when you are holding your baby. I know this can affect your sleep, but it will make a world of difference in the future. Especially with how they attach to others. When your baby knows…

Read more: Parenting Expectations VS. Reality: It's Time To Tell The Truth

Your child can grow up to be well adjusted after a divorce.

I’m sure by now, you know parenting isn’t always as easy as it looks. I think what is most important is that you realize that you don’t have to be perfect. All good parents make mistakes. What’s important is that you learn from your mistakes, and repair after them.

Over the years I’ve worked with many children. What I hear parents say the most, is that they want their child to be happy and grow up to be a responsible adult. Many parents are worried that their child is too stressed out, and doesn’t have the tools to cope.

Children learn by observing their parents. They really do want to please their parents. Going through a divorce is stressful on everyone. Remember, your child isn’t getting a divorce, you are. Most of the time when I see a child, where the parents are going through a divorce. The main complaint is that the child feels anxious.

There are many reasons why the child feels this way. This means there is not one easy solution. You don’t want your child to feel like they are in the middle, and you want to make the transition of going from one house to the other as smooth as possible. In the beginning it will be challenging.

Here are 5 tips to help decrease anxiety in your child when going…

Read more: 5 Easy Ways To Be A Fantastic Parent, While Going Through A Divorce

A strong will child can grow up to be an executive.

The truth about a strong willed child, is they don’t always see your viewpoint. This is not necessarily a bad thing. This means they can’t be easily swayed to change. But, it can easily turn into a power struggle. What’s most important is that your child, feels like you understand them.

Try empathizing with your child and offer them choices. If they refuse to go to bed, offer to read a bedtime story or remind them their favorite stuffed animal is waiting in their room for them. Try to create the win/win scenario with your child. Pick and choose your arguments carefully. For your child it’s about integrity. Try to bring understanding into the argument. Let them know why they shouldn’t pick on their younger sibling. It hurts their feelings. You can always play with them later.

Now, that you have children your life has changed drastically. It’s alright to let your child know that. Just make sure you let them know, that you still care and love them. Part of parenting is discipline, but it’s also trying to create understanding.

Here are 10 things every parent needs to know about a strong willed child:

  1. Make sure to take their age into consideration. When they are younger they will rely on you more, and not be able to do as much for themselves.
  2. Where are they…

Read more: What You Need To Know About Parenting A Strong Willed Child

Your child is happy when they feel loved.

We all want our children to be happy. So, what does this really mean? Your children do need to be happy. But, realistically they can’t be happy all the time. Think about it, are you happy all the time. We all have a range of feelings, which include: happiness, anger, sadness and loneliness at times.

If you want your child to be happy all the time, then you are sending them the wrong message. This will lead to disappointment in the long run, for the both of you. More and more, the world is becoming child centric. You really need to be careful with this one. Think back to when you were a child. Did you get everything you wanted? Were you happy all the time?

Here are 5 things to consider about your child’s happiness:

  1. Learn from you child. Children are great teachers. I have 2 wonderful nephews and one fabulous niece. I have learned so much from them. My nephew never meets a stranger. I have to admit I’m not usually the one talking to people in the grocery store. But, since he has come along this has changed. I am much more likely to talk to strangers at the grocery store, mall, etc. My point is, he has helped me see this differently, and I really like that. Listen to your child closely. They…

Read more: Why Isn't My Child Happy? 5 Things To Consider.

Your life changes drastically after having a child.

No matter what, you are always going to worry about your children. Even after they are grown and out of the house. Once a parent, always a parent. I’m sure if you have a child, then you know your life changes drastically after a child.

Of course, when your children are young they need you. They also cherish you. You are their world. But, at they get older they still need you, just in a different way. They also don’t like to admit that they always need you.

Parenting is no easy job, and needs to be taken seriously. You are responsible for another human being. Everything that you do, really does matter. They learn from watching you and listening to you. If you want your child to grow up to be more independent, then let your child have more responsibility.

Here are 5 reasons why parenting is a lifelong commitment:

  1. Your child deserves your commitment. This doesn’t mean that they have to rely on you for everything. They need to get out there, and try out their own ideas. Even, if they fail their is a learning process. I have to admit, I’ve learned some of my best lessons through failure. I also learned that you can get back up, and try again.
  2. You will always be your child’s rock. Children are born relying on…

Read more: 5 Reasons Why Parenting Is A Lifelong Commitment

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Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
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San Mateo, CA 94404

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