Going through a break up can be really stressful. You thought this was the one, but it didn’t work out. Whether you saw the break up coming or not. You are still left with the same feelings and questions. What did I do wrong? Will I ever meet the right person?
As human beings we are designed to need a relationship in our life. Not everybody can admit this, so, good for you if you can. But, relationships have highs and lows. Not every relationship can survive the lows. And that’s alright.
After ending a relationship, you go through a grieving process. You need to let yourself go through this. Try and learn something from the loss of the relationship. Lik, now you know what you don’t like.
Here are 5 tips for reducing stress after a break up:
- Give yourself 5 minutes a day of worry time. It’s easy to obsess about the relationship and worry if you will ever meet the right person. This can interfere with all the other things you need to do. It can also interfere with your play time. Set aside 5 minutes each day to worry or obsess over the loss of the relationship. You can set the time up for when you get home from work. Then, every time you think about the relationship remind yourself of the time you set aside for it. This is a simple technique that works really well.
- Do things you love. One of the great things about being single is you can do the things you want to do. Take singing lessons, sign up at a new gym, or take a yoga class. Whatever it may be, now is the time to do it. There is nothing holding you back. Spend time visiting family and friends. Go to movies or plays. You can pick whatever you want.
- Remind yourself of all the great things in your life. It’s easy to focus on what you don’t have. Whether it be a special person in your life, or materialistic things. Remind yourself of the people that you know that really love and care about you. The people that have been there for you. If you’d like you can write a list of what you’re grateful for. Start with a roof over your head and see where the list goes.
- Get active. Let’s face it, a relationship eats away at your time. You can start taking all those classes at the gym, you didn’t have time for. Maybe, there is a new weight lifting class you’d like to take. Or, you’d like to hire a personal trainer. Take a swim class and perfect your freestyle. This is the time. Not only will this help you emotionally, there will also be physical benefits. You never know, you may meet new people. If you ask me, it’s a win/win.
- Write it out or talk it out. You may feel like keeping it all in. But, we have found it’s best to get it out. If you don’t, you will stay stuck. Journaling is a great way to let your feelings out. You can say anything and not be judged. Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Someone that you know will listen. This doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you are human. If you find you need more help, then talk to a professional.
You will get through the break up. Make sure you do the things you need to do. Just because this relationship ended, it doesn’t mean you are doomed. When you are ready to get back out there, you will meet the right person.
Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, in San Mateo, CA. She has helped many people through the emotions that come with a break up. For a free 15 minute phone consultation or more information, please call or email (650) 892-0357 or Lianne@LessonsforLove.com.