Your emotional bank account is similar to your regular bank account. The more deposits you make the more it grows, the more withdrawals you make the less it grows and it may eventually close. This is just like your relationship. You need to focus on making deposits rather than withdrawals. This doesn't mean that you keep score, that is something entirely different. Keeping score can actually damage your relationship in the long run. Here are five tips to help grow your emotional bank account:

  1. Small deposits often. The small things make a big difference. I'm sure you've heard that before and it is true. Small things can be, smiling and being excited to see your partner. Remembering small anniversaries in your relationship, such as; the first time you met each other's friends and family, a favorite restaurant you went to for the first time, etc.
  2. Greetings and departures. When you come home at the end of the day, put down your cell phone and talk about your day with your partner. Take a genuine interest in what they have to say. When leaving for the day, know at least one important thing that will be happening in your partner's day. However, big or small, this let's your partner know that you care and helps build the friendship in your relationship.
  3. Seven second kiss. Remember kissing, why did you stop? This helps connect you as a couple. There is a physiological response in the brain after seven seconds. The next time you see your partner stop whatever you are doing and give them a seven second kiss.
  4. Focus on the positive that your partner does. After you've been in a relationship for a while it's easy to notice what's going wrong, or what your partner does that you don't like. This can happen to a lot of couples. Start to notice the positive in your relationship, catch your partner doing something right and thank them for it.
  5. Have fun together, again. We see this in a lot of couples. When they first get together it's all about having fun together. But, after a while fun gets lower and lower on the list. It's time to put fun back at the top of the list. Simply laughing together is having fun together. Having fun together is the equivalent of dreaming.
A lot of this stuff is relatively simple, but easy to forget. If you realize you have gotten away from this, you are not alone. We live in a busy world and have busy lives. Believe it or not, many couples are guilty of this. The good news is, it's never too late to turn it around. For more help, please call me at (650) 892-0357 for a consultation.

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Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

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