You heard me, stop texting, checking your Facebook and Googling and talk to your partner. It's really not that difficult. Take a genuine interest in your partner, this means listening. When your partner comes home at the end of the day, stop and listen. This will help build the friendship in the relationship. Here are four tips to help with communication in your relationship:

  1. Turn towards. The Gottman's research has found that couples are always making bids of affection towards one another. There is a range: a smile, making eye contact, touching, or asking your partner out on a date. The next time you catch your partner making a bid, turn towards instead of away.
  2. Be aware of your partner's emotion. As human beings we all have emotions and we have a range of them. In the business of life it's easy to dismiss your partner's emotion. This will make your partner feel rejected and even unloved. It's alright to have your emotions, I know this can be a hard one for some, but it's true. 
  3. Work on understanding. It's more important to understand one another than to be right. Ask your partner questions and listen. Do your know your partner's dreams? Do your know what struggles they had growing up? The more you know about your partner the more you will understand them.
  4. Build a culture of appreciation. Practice non-defensive responses with your partner. This will allow your partner to feel more open. Look for ways to appreciate your partner. Express affection, give compliments, kiss one another and give surprise presents. 
Rather than catching your partner doing something wrong, catch them doing something right. It's easy to focus on the negative when you are in a relationship, but you can change this. It's like replacing a bad habit with a good one. The Gottman Method for Couples has many tools that help with communication. Such as, Dreams within Conflict, The Art of Compromise and The Aftermath of a Regrettable Incident, just to name a few. For more help please call me at (650) 892-0357 for a consultation.

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Office Location 
Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

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