Relationship Challenges


We all need to be loved. Not everybody wants to admits it. People that aren't in a healthy relationship can be prone to disease. This doesn't mean that if you aren't in a relationship that you are a sick person. It's just natural to want to be loved. Maybe, you are in a relationship but you feel it is a loveless relationship. This can be just as bad. Here are four tips to help get the love you want:

  1. Update your Love Maps. It's important to know your partner inside and out. As human beings we are always changing. It's important to set time aside each week and communicate with your partner. Let them know what you like and don't like, especially if it has changed.
  2. Turn towards your partner rather than away. The Gottman's have found with their research that couples are always making bids of affection towards one another. This can be as simple as a smile, a nod, or a positive tone. It can also be taking your partner out on a date. You can either turn towards or away. The more you turn towards your partner the happier the relationship will be.
  3. Know your partner's dreams. You don't have to have the same dream as your partner, you just have to know their dream. This will help create understanding in the relationship and will let your partner know that you have their back.
  4. Lean to manage conflict in the relationship. We are human and at times we are going to disagree. It's important to learn how to have a discussion that does not cause pain to one another. Make sure to listen to what your partner has to say and say it nicely. The Gottman's have found with their research, the way you start a conversation predicts how you will end that conversation. It also sets the tone for future conversations about the same topic.
The goods news, is that if you're in a relationship, it's never too late to get help. Even if you decide to split up, you will need to know how to communicate with your ex, or in a future relationship. Believe it or not, a lot of the same principles apply. For more help, please call me at (650) 892-0357 for a consultation.

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Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

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