Many couples want to put the spark back in their marriage. They don't always talk about it or want to admit it, but they want it to be like it was in the beginning. Don't be scared to talk about it with your partner. The Gottman Institute has done a ton of research in working with couples, and we have found that talking about it is one of the best things you can do for your marriage. Here are five researched tips that can help put the spark back in your marriage.

  1. Six second kiss. You read that right. In our busy world most of the time we give our partner a peck. You need to stop and kiss on the lips for six seconds. It's not really that long and the physiological effects are great.
  2. Know one important thing about your partner's day. This is also known as departing. Before your partner leaves for the day make it a point to know one important thing about their day. Don't be scared to ask, if they don't say. This shows genuine interest, which helps build the friendship.
  3. Greet your partner at the end of the day. This is a time where you put down all electronics and have a twenty-minute conversation with your partner. This is where you partner can talk about their day and you are not judging or giving feedback. This will help reduce external stresses in the relationship.
  4. Update your LoveMaps. This is about knowing your partner inside and out. As human beings we are complex and we are always changing. Set aside some time once a week to update LoveMaps. This will let your partner know that you have their back no matter what.
  5. Touch, touch, touch. That's right, kiss, hug and play with one another. The more the better. We all like to be touched and to give touch. The next time your partner is cooking in the kitchen rub up behind them, be playful.
As we all know, there is a continuum for intimacy and sex. As Dr. John Gottman says, "every positive thing you do for your relationship is foreplay." For more help please call me at (650) 892-0357 for a consultation. The good news is, it's never too late to get help. 

Contact Information

Office Location 
Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

Map & Directions


Contact Us  Get Directions