We've all seen it happen. You'd never thought they would split or that it would happen to them. Every relationship is unique. You don't have to end up like the statistic, that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Here are five tips to help keep your marriage exciting and alive:

  1. Staying interested in one another. Know at least one important thing about your partner's day before they leave, and make sure to ask about it when you get home. Take a genuine interest in what your partner has to say. This means when you are talking about your day with your partner, turn off all electronic devices. They will only distract you.
  2. Learn to manage conflict. We are human and conflict will happen. Learn how to manage your disagreements in your relationship. The Gottman's research has found that the way you start a conversation predicts how you will end that conversation. Start gently, this will help change the tone of your disagreement. Stop blaming your partner and learn to accept influence from one another.
  3. Change the scenery. Go away for the weekend, take your partner out for dinner, spend time in nature, or plan a long vacation. It's easy to stay stuck in the same routine. We live in a busy world and it's easy to prioritize work and the children. Start to prioritize your relationship, again.
  4. Keep outside interests and relationships alive. You can't rely on one person for everything. Stay connected with friends and family. Call them and make plans with them to have coffee or a relaxing day at the spa. This will help take the pressure off the relationship and bring new insights to the relationship, as well.
  5. Focus on having fun together. Surprise your partner with flowers or make their favorite dessert. Laugh together, watch a comedy or tell your partner the funny things that happened at the office. Be excited to see your partner and smile, often. 
After completing three trainings of The Gottman Method for Couples and, now working towards my certification in The Gottman Method, I have grown to have a tremendous amount of respect for their work. This is a well researched method and the tips I have given in this article are backed with the research from The Gottman Institute. A lot of the tips really are practical and simple, but many couples get away from them. For more help, please call me at (650) 892-0357 for a consultation.

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Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

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(650) 892-0357

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