"Boxing is drama on it's grandest scale." 
Howard Cosell


It's inevitable that you will disagree in your relationship. But, what happens when there is gridlock? This is where the same issue keeps coming up, and you just can't resolve it. You both take your corners, and there is little to no chance that either of you will give in. When spouses are in gridlock, conflict issues repeatedly surface. Take this quiz to find out if you are in gridlock.

Answer true of false to the following questions.

  1. The same problems keep coming up again and again in our relationship.
  2. We rarely make much progress on our central issues.
  3. We keep hurting each other whenever we discuss our core issues.
  4. I feel criticized and misunderstood when we discuss our hot topic.
  5. My partner has a long list of basically unreasonable demands.
  6. When we discuss our basic issues, I often feel that my partner doesn't even like me.
  7. My partner wants me to change my basic personality.
  8. I often keep quiet and withdraw to avoid stirring up too much conflict.
  9. I don't feel respected when we disagree.
  10. My partner often acts in a selfish manner.
  11. What I say in our discussions rarely has much effect.
  12. I feel put down in our discussions of key issues.
  13. I can't really be myself in this relationship.
  14. I often think that my partner is manipulating me.
  15. Sometimes I think that my partner doesn't care about my feelings.
  16. My partner rarely makes a real effort to change.
  17. There are some basic faults in my partner's personality that he or she will not change.
  18. My partner disregards my fundamental needs.
  19. Sometimes I feel that my values don't matter to my partner.
  20. When we discuss our issues, my partner acts as if I am totally wrong and he or she is totally right.
If you answered true to five or more, then you are in gridlock in your relationship. This doesn't mean the relationship is over, there is hope. With The Gottman Method for couples you will learn how to discuss your gridlock issues without hurting one another and you will both feel heard and validated. It's never too late, don't hesitate to call for a consultation. You can reach me at (650) 892-0357.

Contact Information

Office Location 
Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

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