It’s nice when someone remembers small details about you. Not because you keep reminding them, but because they actually care.


I'm sure you've heard it before. The little things add up. Well, The Gottman Institute has proven it with science. The little things build trust and intimacy in a relationship. Ever wondered why, that one little thing really upset your partner? There are ways to avoid this from happening. Think of your relationship as an emotional bank account. Like any bank account you need to make deposits to have it grow. If you make too many withdrawals, the bank account will eventually close. This doesn't mean keep score, this means focus on making more positive contributions to the relationship rather than withdrawals. This is why that one thing really pushed your partner over the edge. Here are three helpful tips to build your emotional bank account:

  1. Greet your partner. This may sound obvious, but when is the last time that your partner came home and you stopped what you were doing and said 'hello?' This is the perfect time for the six second kiss. Listen to what your partner has to say. Whether you've been at work all day or with the kids all day, you can take a break from them. They'll always be there.
  2. Touch, Touch, Touch! All the small touches add up. Hug, caress one another, hold hands while watching T.V. Give one another a neck rub, for no reason. Remember, what Dr. John Gottman says, "Every positive thing in your relationship is foreplay." This has been proven with science.
  3. Update your Love Maps. This is about knowing your partner inside and out. Take a genuine interest in your partner. Know what important things are happening at work, family issues, triumphs they have overcome, etc. When your partner feels like you know them inside and out, your partner will feel like you have their back. This is what everyone wants most in a relationship. They don't want to feel like they need to change or hide a part of themselves.
You can actually purchase Love Map cards on The Gottman website, and if you have a smart phone they have apps. that you can purchase, as well. This way you can take them with you. Use them on date night. Remember, it's not a date if you take the children. This is a time you carve out to be with your partner. Relationships are always changing and it's important to know what is happening in your partner's life. It's never too late to make a change in your relationship. Start small and see a big payoff. For more help, please call me for a consultation at (650) 892-0357.

 

 

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Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

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