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"Admit when you're wrong. Shut up when you're right." Dr. John Gottman

Couples, it's time to get on the same page. Catch your partner doing something right. Spend time together having fun. This may sound simple and obvious, but in our busy world we tend to put fun last on the list rather than first. Put it on your calendar and don't cross it out!

The next time you are talking with your partner about your day, tell them what you appreciate about him/her. For example, I love your honesty, you are so sweet, you are a great kisser, you are very sexy, I really like how athletic you are, etc. Here are list of some words you can use: loving, funny, involved, expressive, active, generous, thoughtful, intelligent, cheerful, reliable, truthful, strong, gracious, elegant, assertive, protective, lively, playful, warm, flexible, interesting, a great parent, etc. Make sure to use these words in a sentence that describes the characteristic or give an example of a time your partner did something using one of these characteristics. The more detail the better.

Ask your partner questions that show you are genuinely interested in them. Here are some examples:

  1. What are recent important events in your partner's life?
  2. What are some current stresses in your partner's life?
  3. What are some of your partner's hopes and aspirations?
Also, make sure you know your partner's friends and rivals. Be able to write a map of your partner's inner world. Gottman's research suggests the better you know your partner the happier you will be in your relationship. Stay in touch with one another on a daily basis. Call, text, email throughout the day. Let your partner know how the children are or how your meeting at work went. Make sure to know one important event about your partner's day before leaving, and ask them about it when they get home. Be genuine! Take an interest in your partner!
Relationships don't need to be difficult. If you struggle with communication in your relationship, then please call me for a consultation at (650) 892-0357.




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Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

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