Why are you always trying to change me?  Why can’t you just listen to me?  Does this sound familiar?  I see a lot of couples and I hear this a lot.  Believe it or not listening is an art.  Next time your partner wants to tell you about their day, try listening without trying to solve their problem.  You will be surprised at the long-term results.


It’s important when you are in a relationship to build rituals of emotional connection into your daily life.  When you discuss your day with your partner tell them three things you appreciate about your partner. I would say you really are a great friend, I appreciate how generous you are, I love your imagination or I appreciate how dependable you are.

It’s also important to tell your partner what you are thankful for in your relationship.  For example:  I love your style, I like how you are playful with me, I am thankful for your sense of humor and you have a beautiful complexion.  Stay in touch with one another during the day.  Call your partner and think about your partner during the day.  Take weekend outings such as; going to a park or going for a drive.  Go on an overnight romantic outing (without the kids). 

It is easy to get caught in the daily grind of life.  Taking time during the day for your partner is not asking for a lot in your relationship.  Not only will this help rebuild the friendship but it will also help build the intimacy in your relationship.  When reuniting for the first time during the day greet one another with an affectionate greeting.  This is a loving kiss that lasts several seconds not a peck on the cheek.

As I am sure you know, most relationships go through seasons.  Think of a difficult time you weathered together and tell your partner how much you appreciate him/her for it.  Remember, to say I love you to one another.  It may sound obvious but couples really need to hear this from one another.

Thank you for reading my Lessons for Love. By taking the time to do this you have already started to improve your relationship.

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Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

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