It’s a very simple word. But, yet so many people have a really hard time saying it. Why is this? Does it mean you have to admit you are wrong? I’m sure you know, the answer is yes. If you haven’t guessed already, it saying, “I’m Sorry.” And, it’s genuine.
All relationships go through highs and lows. What’s important is you learn to repair, when you have made a mistake. It’s also important when your partner gives you a sincere apology, that you receive it.
Even if you think you had a small part in the argument. It’s important to fess up to it and say, ‘I’m sorry.” Now, wasn’t that easy. I think if more people did this, we wouldn’t need aspirin. If you don’t repair, then you stay stuck. This can lead to all kinds of other problems.
Here are 5 of the most sincerest stories of saying, ‘I’m sorry.’
- Give your partner a note with the top 5 reasons they are important to you. This will let your partner know how important they are to you. Let your partner know you forgot about these things when you got into the argument. We all need to hear that we are important. Kind words can go a long way. You can write on nice paper, in calligraphy. If you know how. You can also send an email or leave a note on the kitchen counter. Make sure, you ask for forgiveness.
- Let it go. This doesn’t mean you simply act as if nothing has happened. You ask yourself this question, ‘How important is it that I’m right here.’ I have seen this a lot, people get caught up in the argument. They focus on winning, rather than the relationship. This is when righteous indignation begins. You don’t have to be exactly like your partner. Maybe, being on time is important to you, but not to your partner. You don’t need to let that divide the two of you in the relationship. When you hold on to the argument, it will make you miserable.
- First, you must accept responsibility. You probably are feeling hurt. This can cloud your perception of the situation. Start by saying, ‘I’m truly sorry, that really came out wrong.’ ‘I’m sorry I hurt you.’ There are many ways to say it, what’s important is that it’s sincere. This will let your partner know that you are taking responsibility for your part in the argument. It’s important that you hold your space, even when the person you are trying to make-up with is difficult. I know, some people like to rub it in or may not be ready to make-up.
- Touch, touch, touch. Hug and kiss, it’s hard to stay angry when you touch someone. Touch can bridge the widest of emotional distances. You may need to start slow. Rub up against your partner’s back. Sit close to one another or cuddle on the couch. Hold hands the next time you go for a walk. It’s easy to get away from touch in our fast paced society. Touch will really help you connect at a deeper level. We all want that. This can also help things in the bedroom. When you are touching and playing with one another, it can’t help but lead to more.
- Promise that it won’t happen again, and mean it. This is one of the most important steps. This let’s your partner know you are going to change the behavior. If you’ve been irritable because you haven’t been getting enough sleep. Let your partner know, you will make sleep a priority. You will get at least 8 hours. If you haven’t been helping out around the house. Let your partner know you will make it a priority to get home from work earlier. This way you will have time to help. Make sure to follow through. We all know, actions speak louder than words.
It’s important that you mean it. Otherwise, you are wasting your time. Trust takes time to build or to rebuild after an argument. Keep working at it. Couples that work hard at their relationship, stay together.
Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in San Mateo, CA. If you are going through a difficult time in your relationship, she is here to help. For more information, please call or email (650) 892-0357 or Lianne@LessonsforLove.com.