All relationships go through highs and lows. In the beginning, you just can’t get enough of one another. But, after a while things can grow stale. This doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship will end. But, it does mean that you will need to work much harder at it.
Sometimes, the signs of relationship problems aren't that obvious.
The thought of ending your marriage, is very scary. It can be overwhelming. You might try to not think about it, but that doesn’t work. Eventually, your problems in the relationship catch up. If that’s the case, then you must do something about them now.
Here are 7 signs of relationship problems, you must fix ASAP:
- You talk to your friends more than you talk to your spouse. Your spouse should be your confidant and best friend. You should be able to talk to your spouse about anything. You shouldn’t fear that you will be judged, ignored or made fun of. If you are turning more to your friends than your spouse, then the question is why?
- You have nothing to fight about. Rarely, if ever, do you see a relationship where there are no disagreements. Fighting is actually a form of communication. When you stop caring about your spouse, you stop fighting. When you have a disagreement and you are able to resolve it, you learn a lot about your partner. It can actually help create safety in the relationship, when done respectfully.
- You aren’t having fun together anymore. Fun is the glue in a relationship. This is what will help keep you together during the tough times. When was the last time that you and your spouse, just laughed together? Think back to the beginning, when fun was simple. You couldn’t wait to see your spouse at the end of the day.
- You are living as roommates, rather than a couple. This is an easy one to happen. You are busy with work, the kids, and the house. Life just begins to take over. Sure, there is food in the fridge, but when is the last time you spent quality time together as a couple? This is when you need to schedule time together. Spending quality time together as a couple is one of the best things you can do for your marriage.
- You just can’t let go of the negative perspective, you have about the relationship. This is when the negative overrides the positive. Even when your spouse is genuinely doing something positive, you don’t notice or interpret it as negative. This is also known as, chip on the shoulder. If this is the case, then you need couples counseling. This will help you understand where the chip came from, and how to let go and move forward.
- You don’t trust your spouse anymore. Trust is the foundation to a healthy relationship. This doesn’t necessarily mean your spouse is having an affair. An interesting finding with the research of The Gottman Method for Couples, is that couples are always making bids of affection towards one another. A bid can be a smile, a nod, asking about your spouses day, or asking your spouse out on a date. There are a range of bids, and they are always happening. You can either turn towards the bid or away from the bid. What’s important is that the bid is done out of love, and that your partner gets the bid. It’s also important that you turn towards your partner. The more the better. If you turn away, over time this can destroy the trust. It can also lead to your partner misinterpreting you.
- You just aren’t that fond of your spouse anymore. This means you don’t feel your spouse really understands or gets you. This makes you question if your partner really has your back or not? This is what you need more than anything else in a relationship.
If you said yes to any of these, then your relationship is in trouble. The good news is there is help. But, you will have to work at it. There is no magic wand for your relationship. Couples that work hard at their marriage, stay together and enjoy the benefits of a long lasting, and healthy relationship.
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Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, in San Mateo, CA. I have been trained to use The Gottman Method for Couples. I have helped many couples through the bumps in their relationship. For more information, please call or email (650) 892-0357 or Lianne@LessonsforLove.com.