Are you having problems in your relationship? If you answered yes, you aren’t alone. Even the best of couples, have relationship problems. It’s easy to feel stressed out these days. You have a family and a job. So, where does your relationship fit in? Many people go into a relationship, thinking it will make them happy and reduce stress. Many couples find out, this is not the case.
You can learn how to solve relationship problems without breaking up.
At first it is bliss. Your partner can’t do anything wrong. But, after a while things change. You begin to see your partner as a real human being, flaws and all. This may start to make you feel unloved and stressed out.
Here are 7 tips on how to solve relationship problems without breaking up:
- Don’t be afraid to talk it out. Society teaches us that when you go into a relationship, everything will just work out. Wrong. You need to tell your partner what you need. What you like, what you don’t like. Keep talking about it, until you can come to a compromise that works for both of you. Humans are always changing, learn to work through your differences.
- Stop comparing yourself to other couples. This is an easy one to do. Everyone has done this at one time or another. When you do this you will never measure up. Start to create the “we” in the couple. What things are you good at? What things are you bad at? Don’t be scared to list them. There is no perfect relationship. So, stop trying to be perfect.
- Let go of expectations. If you ask me, I think people should go into a relationship without expectations. We live in a world where everything is about setting goals. It’s easy to get caught up in the goal, and miss out on enjoying the process. Neither you are your partner are perfect. This is the first expectation to drop. Stop setting deadlines for your relationship. Like, you must buy a house in a year or have exactly two children. One boy and one girl. Expectations will set you up for failure. This will make you feel bad and lead to resentment.
- Admit when you’re wrong and shut up when you’re right. This is one of the hardest things to do in a relationship, but one of the best. This means after an argument you have had a chance to repair. You can’t get over an argument, unless there has been repair. It’s easy to let things build up. You don’t want to do this. It will make things worse in the long run.
- Build a culture of understanding in your relationship. It’s easy to want to fix the problem first. You can’t fix anything unless you have a culture of understanding. This means you need to listen to one another. Share stories about your past. What have you overcome in your life? How was your parent’s relationship. We learn how to be in relationships through our family of origin. What does this mean? You don’t know what you don’t know.
- Create a list of stress-reducing rituals. Are you having fun in your relationship? If you are stressed, then the answer is probably no. You want to be able to have fun with your partner. Go to places where you have good memories. Where did you take your first hike together or first weekend getaway? Do you have a favorite movie? Laugh together. Laughter helps reduce stress. Make sure you have a couple of stress-reducing rituals, for yourself as well. Take a bubble bath or read poetry.
- Learn to self soothe. Some of you might be wondering what this is. It’s easy to rely on your partner to soothe you when you feel stressed out. Your partner can’t always to do this for you. Learn to slow down and take a deep breath. Try it for 10 minutes. This will help bring your heart rate down. Take a bubble bath or go for a walk. Play around with it and see what works best for you.
You don’t want your relationship to be a source of stress in your life. This will cause you to drift from your partner, and it could eventually lead to a break up. When you get home at the end of the day, you want to be excited to see your partner. You want to feel the stress leave your body.
It’s easy when you have been in a relationship for a while, to forget to play or even dream together. When you are dreaming together, you are having fun together. This alone will help reduce stress.
If you liked this article, there is plenty more in Relationship Challenges. There are many helpful tips that can help you get through the bumps in your relationship.
Lianne Avila is a Marriage & Family Therapist helping couples in San Mateo, CA who are looking to rebuild a close emotional connection and get their relationship back on track. Please subscribe to Lianne’s newsletter on www.LessonsforLove.com to learn more about her services and expertise.