Relationship Challenges

Your relationship will change. Learn how you can get through it.

Your relationship will change over time. There are many different reasons as to why your relationship will change. If you've been in a relationship for a while, then you know that the honeymoon phase will end.

The good news is, this is when you will begin to grow. Everyone has shortcomings. It's important to build a culture of understanding in your relationship. This will help build a long lasting relationship. 

Why do relationships change? There isn't a simple answer. 

As couples get closer to one another, their negative traits begin to stand out. Your relationship feels routine and is less exciting. When all of this happens your relationship begins to lose its luster. 

Why do relationships change? Here are 5 reasons why:

  1. Your partner's flaws will stand out. In the beginning, you couldn't see anything wrong with your partner. But, now you have been in a relationship for a while and you see your partner through a clear lens. You would like him to ask you more questions, or be more talkative. He doesn't always pick up his clothes, or help with the chores as much as you would like. And, there are many more things that stand out.
  2. The sex changes. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. When you are in a meaningful relationship, and you feel like your partner really gets you. The sex will get better. But, if you are in a relationship where you don't feel understood or like your partner really gets you, then your sex life will grow stale over time. 
  3. You spend too much time on social media. Facebook did a study and found couples that share too much information about their relationship on social media, had an increased chance of breaking up. You also don't want to be on social media when you are spending time with your partner. I have found that talking is crucial in a relationship. This is how you get to know one another.

  4. You don't learn how to argue. You learn how to be in a relationship through your own family of origin. This means that you each have your own set of baggage, that you bring to the relationship. Did you see your family argue? Or, where they conflict avoidant? It's important to be able to express your feelings in a relationship. If you don't, you will stay stuck. This means that things will get worse. Also, when you hold everything in you can have emotional and physical problems over time.
  5. You no longer feel the need to impress your partner. This means reality sets in. This can be a good thing. You both can make mistakes and learn to repair. This can also mean you are more accepting of your partner. You shouldn't feel like you have to be perfect in a relationship, or that you always have to say 'yes' in a relationship. If that's the case, then you are in the wrong relationship. But, you also want to be careful at this stage. You don't want to take your partner for granted. 

The key to a happy relationship, is having fun together. This means you need to set aside time for one another. I hear this a lot in my practice, 'when we are together we have fun, but we don't set aside enough time for fun.' What does this mean? You need to prioritize your relationship. Make sure you have daily rituals in place.

Have rituals for departing and greeting one another at the end of the day. Make sure that you have date night. It's not a date if you bring the children. What are your rituals for celebrating anniversaries and holidays? What about all the small things in your relationship? What are your rituals around celebrating them? These are things that not everybody knows about. For example, when you watched your first favorite show together. 

A healthy and happy marriage, provides a deeper sense of security. You will feel better about the world you live in, when you have a healthy and happy marriage. All relationships go through highs and lows. When you are in a marriage for the long haul, you will have a better understanding of one another. 

If you liked this article, there are more in Relationship Challenges. You will find helpful tips that help you create the healthy and happy relationship that you have always wanted.

Lianne Avila is a Marriage & Family Therapist helping couples in San Mateo, CA who are looking to rebuild a close emotional connection and get their relationship back on track. Please subscribe to Lianne’s newsletter on www.LessonsforLove.com to learn more about her services and expertise.

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