Perhaps, it's time to bring the mystery back to the bedroom.
"If you want to have a harmonious relationship you must learn to communicate and compromise . . ." Milana May
Here are three helpful tips to bring the spark back in the bedroom.
America prides itself on efficiency, we are a goal oriented society. We are raised to believe we are what we make and that our bank account defines us. So, what does this mean, can we ever have enough? I hear this all the time in counseling. 'I wish I had a bigger house, a better car, more clothes or more in my savings account.' I tell my clients you can't always define success by your back account, and believe it or not this can affect what happens in the bedroom.
What this all means, is that we have been socialized to control our sexual urges and our appetite for sex. I know, many of you are thinking, we've rented videos, taken baths together, and have been committed to our weekly date but we still have a dull sex life. Passion is unpredictable; it doesn't follow the rules of cause and effect. What works one time may not work another time. This is when it's time to try something off the beaten path. Here are a few tips to get you started:
"Valentine's Day = Single Awareness Day" Anonymous
I know, here we go again another Valentine's Day and you're still single. Everybody tells you it's no big deal, you still have great friends and family. Here are six reasons to count your blessings on Valentine's Day.
Every February 14, across the United States and throughout the world, chocolate, roses and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. The history of St. Valentine has a few different meanings. The Catholic church recognizes St. Valentine as three different Saints. Valentine's Day has grown to be the second most popular card sending holiday after Christmas. I know, some of you are thinking it's been commercialized to make money for all the card selling companies. Actually, Valentine's Day is one of my favorite days. It reminds us about the special people in our live's and to celebrate our love for one another. Here are some tips that will help you enjoy Valentine's Day this year:
"Falling in love with your best friend is having the best of both worlds . . ." Anonymous
As many of you know I am a Marriage and Family Therapist. I have completed both the Level I & Level II training for couples by The Gottman Institute (GTI). In our research we have found trust begins and ends with emotional communication. Whether we like it or not, this is true for all. We have all been hurt by a relationship at some point in our life, but for those of us that believe in protecting trust there is hope. Dr. Gottman's research-based insights into the complex world of relationships offers us real and simplistic tools, you can easily apply to your relationship.
Think of the exercise below as a list of guidelines that will help nurture the friendship in your relationship and help make the love last. Remember every relationship is different and these aren't set in stone. The connections you create will bring you closer to your partner. Practice affection and trust will follow naturally.
Things to do for your partner:
Listen. Listen. Listen
Run errands for your partner.
Send your partner a loving text.
Compliment your partner, say thank you, praise his or her efforts around the house.
Wait on your partner when he or she is ill.
Buy a silly gift. Buy something inexpensive. Make it an inside joke.
Think fondly of your partner while he or she is at work.
Things to do together:
Take a class together.
Wash the dishes together.
Take a shower or bath together.
Plan your future. Dream together.
This activity was found in The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening our Marriage, Family, and Friendships by Dr. Gottman's. To learn more about bids, emotional connection, and the many other building blocks of trust, be sure to check it out!
"Choosing a partner is choosing a set of problems." Anonymous
I would like to share a humorous story I just read.
Imagine Paul married Alice; Alice gets loud at parties and Paul, who is shy, hates that. But if Paul had married Susan, he and Susan would of gotten into a fight before they even got to the party. That's because Paul is always late and Susan hates to be kept waiting. She would feel taken for granted, which she is very sensitive about. If Paul had married Gail, they wouldn't have even gone to the party because they would still be upset about an argument they had the day before about Paul's not helping with the housework. To Gail when Paul does not help she feels abandoned, which she is sensitive about, and to Paul Gail's complaining is an attempt at domination, which he is sensitive about.
The same is true about Alice. If she had married Steve, she would have the opposite problem, because Steve gets drunk at parties and she would get so angry at his drinking they would get into a fight about it. If she had married Lou, she and Lou would of enjoyed the party but then when they got home the trouble would begin when Lou wanted sex, because he always wants sex when he wants to…