"Choosing a partner is choosing a set of problems." Anonymous
I would like to share a humorous story I just read.
Imagine Paul married Alice; Alice gets loud at parties and Paul, who is shy, hates that. But if Paul had married Susan, he and Susan would of gotten into a fight before they even got to the party. That's because Paul is always late and Susan hates to be kept waiting. She would feel taken for granted, which she is very sensitive about. If Paul had married Gail, they wouldn't have even gone to the party because they would still be upset about an argument they had the day before about Paul's not helping with the housework. To Gail when Paul does not help she feels abandoned, which she is sensitive about, and to Paul Gail's complaining is an attempt at domination, which he is sensitive about.
The same is true about Alice. If she had married Steve, she would have the opposite problem, because Steve gets drunk at parties and she would get so angry at his drinking they would get into a fight about it. If she had married Lou, she and Lou would of enjoyed the party but then when they got home the trouble would begin when Lou wanted sex, because he always wants sex when he wants to…
Daily strategies to move from knowing to being
Begin with gratitude
As you awake in the morning, take the first few minutes to think about what you love about your partner. Stay with that thought and reminiscence about the good times in your relationship. It could be the first time you met, the first time you saw your partner smile or a favorite song that the two of you have. Now, set your intention to go into your day with that loving feeling. It may not last all day but the fact that you did it first thing in the morning will help make it become a habit.
Manage your mind
This can also be known as meditation. Choose a space in your house where you will not be disturbed. Ideally the space should be clean and clutter free. Once your space is ready, sit down in a cross-legged position and gently rest your hands on your knees. Relax, gently close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Next bring your attention to your breath. Slowly inhale and exhale for a minimum of 10 minutes. Try this in the morning before you start your day. This helps calm the mind.
This is your life
First, remind yourself of the gratitude exercise you did on Day 1. Think about what you truly love about your…
"The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best, but still loves and accepts you at your worst." Marc Chernoff
Loving your partner for the person they are
Maybe you wish your partner would chat it up with your friends without being prompted or put the cap on the toothpaste. But, their inability to notice crumbs on the counter may stem from the laid-back personality that drew you to them in the first place. One of the things I've noticed with happy couples is they have stopped trying to change one another and have learned to accept one another. They try to focus on their partner's strengths and not their weaknesses.
Framing your demands as favors
Whether you want your partner to take the kids to school or help cook dinner, your partner will be more likely to change their behavior if they feel like they'll get relationship brownie points. Instead of telling your partner, ask your partner. Make sure to let your partner know how happy it makes you when they help with dinner or the kids. Everyone wants to make their partner feel happy.
Focusing on the positive
Unhappy couples feel stuck, they focus on the negative about their partner. If you are always looking for what your partner does wrong, then you will always find it. Start looking for what your…
When is the last time you spent talking to your partner about their life dreams? Do you know your partner's life dreams? If the answer is no, then it's time for a talk. And, yes, dreams can change. We live in a fast-paced world and can get caught up in the busyness. Not only can we forget what our partner's dreams are, we can forget what our own dreams are.
Take a sincere interest in your partner's dreams. Know every detail of their dreams and their plans to make their life dreams come true. It's important to validate one another about your dreams. Start by accepting each other's influence even if you thing their dreams sound unrealistic. This is also known as, compromise. All dreams are important, regardless of how big or small they may seem. And, this doesn't mean you give up on your own dreams.
Now, it's time to start creating shared meaning in your relationship. There is no time better than the present to start creating shared dreams for your relationship. That is why the present is a "present." Set aside time in the New Year to discuss your own dreams and how you can support one another, and at the same time create shared dreams. Remember, each person in the relationship gets a turn being the listener and the speaker.
When you start the conversation it's important to create a plan that will build rituals around your shared dreams and also discuss the legacy you would like to leave behind. It's important to be flexible and accepting of one another's dreams. Not only will this nurture the friendship in the relationship it will also build love and respect.
Find your inner flirt. I often hear couples complain that their relationship is boring and they feel stuck. They miss the passion. I usually ask how the beginning of the relationship was. Are they still dating and having fun together? This is very important. Remember to spend magical time with one another.
Break this into "The Magic Five and One-half Hours a Week." Don't part in the morning without knowing one important fact about your partner's day. Kiss for a minimum of six seconds before departing for the day from one another. Two minutes a day x five working days = 10 minutes.
When reuniting at the end of the day have another six second kiss and the stress reducing conversation that lasts 10 minutes. Make sure to give support to one another and listen to one another. Twenty minutes a day x five days = 1 hour 40 minutes.
Find some way every day to genuinely communicate appreciation to your partner. This should be five minutes a day x seven days = 35 minutes.
Play with one another. Kiss, hold, grab and touch each other. Make sure to kiss one another before going to sleep. Make the six-second kiss last, five minutes a day x seven days = 35 minutes.
Go out on a date think of great questions to ask your partner.…