"A successful relationship requires falling in love multiple times, but always with the same person." unknown

Many couples want to put the spark back in their marriage. They don't always talk about it or want to admit it, but they want it to be like it was in the beginning. Don't be scared to talk about it with your partner. The Gottman Institute has done a ton of research in working with couples, and we have found that talking about it is one of the best things you can do for your marriage.

In the beginning you worked very hard to win over your partner. Once you win over your partner, you still need to work hard. It's like a pop star getting their first hit song. If they want a second hit song, then they need to work even harder. Your relationship is the same way. We have found that couples that work hard at their relationship, stay together. The bottom line is a relationship is not magic, its work. Here are five researched tips that will have you fall back into love with your partner.

  1. Six-second kiss. You read that right. In our busy world most of the time we give our partner a peck. You need to stop and kiss on the lips for six seconds. It's not really that long and…

Read more: 5 Researched Tips That Will Help You FALL Back In Love

Rituals of Connection are core to a positive and happy relationship. They create shared meaning in the relationship. If you have shared meaning in the relationship, then there is a good chance the relationship is stable and happy. If you don't, then you might be asking yourself, 'Is that all there is?' Sure, date nights, weekend getaways and making love are all part of a relationship. But, people also want to connect at a deeper level. How is your spiritual connection? Do you feel you are creating an inner life together? This is a culture in the relationship, where symbols, rituals and an appreciation for your roles and goals, which also link you together. When you feel this connection, you will understand what if feels like to be part of the union you have joined.

One of the best ways to create shared meaning is to talk about your dreams with your partner. However, big or small they might be. You don't have to agreewith your partner's dreams but you need to be respectful and supportive of one another's dreams. Another way to create shared meaning is to create traditions and rituals. Start by talking about the traditions and rituals that you had growing up. Tell your partner you best and worst memories. How could you make them better? What are these rituals like for…

Read more: 21 Ways To Help Improve The Intimacy In Your Relationship

"Catch your partner doing something right." The Gottman Institute

I'm sure you are familiar with a savings account. You start a savings account by making a deposit. If you continue to make deposits, then your savings account grows. If you only make one deposit, then your savings account doesn't grow. Apply that concept to your relationship. This doesn't mean keep score, this means work towards building a positive perspective in your relationship. The Gottman Institute research suggests this is a great way to build a reasonably happy relationship. Here are ten helpful tips to help build your emotional bank account in your relationship:

  1. Sliding glass door moments. These are just a couple of minutes in a relationship and this is where trust is built and how it is kept. For example, you come home after a long day at work and your partner wants to talk to you about the children. You can simply say I am tired and walk away or you can stay and listen to your partner. This may not make a huge difference at the time but in the long run it will.
  2. Contribute regularly to your emotional bank account. The small things can make a big difference. Your partner will notice. And, contribute with a smile. Remember, it's not what you say it's how you say it.
  3. Complain don't blame. This means…

Read more: 10 Deposits That Will Help You Build The Friendship In Your Relationship

Three Things Every Couple Fights About, And How To Stop.

"The perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other." Kate Stewart 

Money, sex and the children. I have seen many couples in therapy over the 14 years I have worked as a Marriage & Family Therapist. I have found that many couples have problems on the surface and they need to address the problems underneath the surface. After being in a relationship it's easy to pick on your partner's faults and blame one another if the relationship is going south. 

Over the past four years I have been trained in and using The Gottman Method for Couples. This is a well researched method. The Gottman's have done over four decades of research in working with couples. They have developed a lot of great tools for couples to help with communication and building the friendship in the relationship. Which, by the way, the research has found that a good friendship is crucial in a relationship. This is reported by, both men and women.


One of my favorite tools that they have that helps with communication is Dreams within Conflict. This helps the couple have a guided conversation that helps build understanding in the relationship. One person is the speaker and one is the listener. The speaker is the dream speaker and the listener is the dream catcher. It's easy to want…

Read more: Three Things Every Couple Fights About, And How To Stop.

"The perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other." Kate Stewart

Money, sex and the children. I have seen many couples in therapy over the 14 years I have worked as a Marriage & Family Therapist. I have found that many couples have problems on the surface and they need to address the problems underneath the surface. After being in a relationship it's easy to pick on your partner's faults and blame one another if the relationship is going south.

Over the past four years I have been trained in and using The Gottman Method for Couples. This is a well-researched method. The Gottman's have done over four decades of research in working with couples. They have developed a lot of great tools for couples to help with communication and building the friendship in the relationship. Which, by the way, the research has found that a good friendship is crucial in a relationship. This is reported by, both men and women.

One of my favorite tools that they have that helps with communication is Dreams within Conflict. This helps the couple have a guided conversation that helps build understanding in the relationship. One person is the speaker and one is the listener. The speaker is the dream speaker and the listener is the dream catcher. It's easy to…

Read more: Three Things Every Couple Fights About And How To Stop

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