Relationship Challenges

Relationship Challenges

Wouldn’t that be nice, a relationship without problems. That really is a dream. We all go into a relationship with our own set of problems. We learn to be in a relationship through our own family of origin. Which is different for everyone. Then, you try to mesh the two together.

That isn’t always easy. Which, if you have been in a relationship for a while you’ve probably figured out. So, the answer is no there is not a relationship that doesn’t have problems. The Gottman’s research has found, what’s important is that you repair. This means you accept one another’s differences and you learn to make up after an argument.

After working with many couples over the years in my practice, I have learned to appreciate the importance of perpetual problems. A perpetual problems is a problem that keeps coming up in your relationship that you just can’t solve, or come to a compromise that works for both of you.

5 benefits of perpetual problems:

  1. Make-up sex. What nobody tells you about sex, is that it is much more enjoyable when you talk about it. This is another area that our culture leads us to believe, that it will automatically be great. You each have your own body and it can take time to get to know one another sexually. Your likes and dislikes may differ. Maybe your…

Read more: Is There Such A Thing As A Relationship Without Problems?

We live in a time where going to see a counselor, is not that uncommon. Thank God, it’s hard to believe there was a time where it was considered taboo. I am grateful for all the counselors before me, that fought to make it alright.

Counseling can help get you through the bumps in life, especially in your relationship. But, like everything with good comes the bad. So many people want to see a counselor for everything. For example, ‘I am so worried he will not like me if he finds out about my past.’ When he already likes you and he knows about your past.

What will happen if he doesn’t call me back?’ Does it mean I will never meet the man of my dreams and get married?’ The answer is, I don’t know, and that’s alright. You don’t have to have all the answers and dreams are always changing.

Here are 5 reasons you don’t need a counselor for your relationship challenges:

  1. This too shall pass. Every time you feel the road getting bumpy, say these four simple words. Repeat them over and over. If you have to, fake it till you make it. Remind yourself of the difficult times you have been able to get through. This may mean you need to change the lense. This will help you,…

Read more: What Are Relationship Challenges You Can Manage Without A Counselor?

At the beginning of a relationship, when everything is new. You can’t imagine you would ever have any kind of a challenge in your relationship. You can’t see your partner’s flaws. The relationship makes you feel wonderful.

But, eventually the honeymoon is over. You start to see your partner as a real human being. With flaws, like the rest of us. Problems are part of every relationship. The Gottman’s research has found, that 69% of problems in a relationship are unsolvable. This means, learn to understand your partner and your problems in the relationship. Nothing is as black and white as it seems.

Here are 4 of the most common relationship challenges:

  1. You will not meet all of the dreams you had for the relationship. You entered the relationship with your dreams of what love is. You thought you knew your partner’s love language. You thought your partner would always understand you and take your side. It’s alright to go into a relationship with dreams and expectations. But, I’m here to tell you they won’t all be met. This is where you need to learn to self-soothe. You can’t rely on your partner for everything and to always be able to soothe you. It’s really easy when you have been in a relationship for a while, to always want your partner to soothe you when you are…

Read more: How To Overcome Relationship Challenges

Relationship and marital problems are not that uncommon. They come in all shapes and sizes. If you are feeling disconnected or alone in your relationship, you are not alone. The divorce rate is almost 50%. This should tell you something.

As a Marriage & Family Therapist and a trained Gottman Couples Therapist. I can tell you I have seen a lot of problems. My knowledge has allowed me to help many couples through difficult times. I have found that the small things make a BIG difference in a relationship.

So, the question is why do so many of you get away from that? I see it all the time. Work, children and the house take over. This means your relationship gets further down on the list. When you start putting your partner last, your relationship is in big trouble.

 Here are 7 types of relationship challenges:

  1. Perceived lack of concern, care and attentiveness. Feeling like the relationship is one-sided. Alright, you decided to stay home while the kids were young. You wanted to be there to see them grow and change. You sacrificed a lot to do this. You had a thriving career and great friends. Now, he is away at work all day. He has been promoted and works late most of the time. His travel schedule is crazy. This leaves you with all the responsibilities…

Read more: The 7 Types Of Relationship Challenges (And How To Fix Them)

It’s a very simple word. But, yet so many people have a really hard time saying it. Why is this? Does it mean you have to admit you are wrong? I’m sure you know, the answer is yes. This is one of the best things you can do for your relationship.


All relationships go through highs and lows. What’s important is you learn to repair, when you have made a mistake. It’s also important when your partner gives you a sincere apology, that you receive it.


Even if you think you had a small part in the argument. It’s important to fess up to it and say, ‘I’m sorry.” Now, wasn’t that easy. I think if more people did this, we wouldn’t need aspirin. If you don’t repair, then you stay stuck. This can lead to all kinds of other problems.


Here are 5 of the most sincerest stories of saying, ‘I’m sorry.’


  1. First, you must accept responsibility. You probably are feeling hurt. This can cloud your perception of the situation. Start by saying, ‘I’m truly sorry, that really came out wrong.’ ‘I’m sorry I hurt you.’ There are many ways to say it, what’s important is that it’s sincere. This will let your partner know that you are taking responsibility for your part in the argument. It’s important that you hold your space,…

Read more: Why Is Saying I'm Sorry So Difficult?

Contact Information

Office Location 
Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

Map & Directions

Address: 1510 Fashion Island Blvd. Suite 110 San Mateo, CA 94404

Contact Us  Get Directions