The wedding was beautiful. You had the perfect ceremony, followed by the perfect reception. You were surrounded by friends and family, that were for you. Next the honeymoon, maybe you went somewhere far away. It was just the two of you day and night. The sparks were flying.
When you’re in the right relationship, it’s the best feeling. You know your partner gets you and has your back, at all times. For some people the first year of marriage is great, for others that’s not the case.
They need to make adjustments and have a difficult time with it. Maybe, you didn’t land the job you wanted or you had to move. Inflation rose more than your salary. You didn’t know he liked to watch T.V. as much as he did. If you are married, then you know what I am talking about.
There is good news, you can get through the first year of marriage. You can be reasonably happy in your relationship. Here are 7 tips to help you out:
A lot of people feel like dating in your 40’s is like being is hell. I have to say I disagree. Sure, there are advantages to dating when you are younger, but when you are in your 40’s you don’t have the pressure you did when you were younger.
Most likely you are more financially secure and in a career you like. You either have children or have given up on the idea of children. And, you aren’t in a rush. This is the time where you can really enjoy dating.
You also have a much better idea of what you want in a relationship. Meaning what you will put up with and what you won’t. As human beings we need to connect. If you feel this way then you are normal. Remember, it’s alright to say no and to wait for something better to come along.
Here are 12 questions to tell if he is a keeper or not.
In the beginning love is bliss. You can’t wait to see each other. You have so much in common and the sparks are flying. As time goes on, things change. You buy a house, have children and get promoted at your job. This is all great, but what happens to your relationship?
We start to put all these other things first and our relationship last. Not only is this hard on intimacy, it’s hard on the friendship. The Gottman’s have been studying relationships for over four decades. What they’ve found, is what keeps the sparks flying is a strong friendship. This is true for both men and women.
We’ve put together a list of questions that will help deepen your relationship and add meaning to it. Make sure to schedule some time with your partner each day to ask some of these questions.
Here are 21 questions to help keep the sparks flying.
Entering a relationship, is like starting a long term investment for retirement. That is, if you're in it for the long haul and would like to have a nice retirement. It's no secret that relationships have highs and lows. What's important is that you repair after the lows.
You build a good relationship over time. It's the small deposits that make a big difference over a long period of time. If you aren't making a lot of small deposits, then making one big deposit won't make a bit of difference. It may actually hurt your relationship in the long run.
If you make too many withdrawals, you will end up overdrawn which can cause the relationship to end. This doesn't mean you count. Counting is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship. This means you make genuine deposits into your relationship, and take a genuine interest in your partner. Here are five simple investments you can make everyday:
Money, sex and the children. I have seen many couples in therapy over the 14 years I have worked as a Marriage & Family Therapist. I have found that many couples have problems on the surface and they need to address the problems underneath the surface. After being in a relationship it's easy to pick on your partner's faults and blame one another if the relationship is going south.
Over the past five years I have been trained in and using The Gottman Method for Couples. This is a well researched method. The Gottman's have done over four decades of research in working with couples. They have developed a lot of great tools for couples to help with communication and building the friendship in the relationship. Which, by the way, the research has found that a good friendship is crucial in a relationship. This is reported by, both men and women.
One of my favorite tools that they have that helps with communication is Dreams within Conflict. This helps the couple have a guided conversation that helps build understanding in the relationship. One person is the speaker and one is the listener. The speaker is the dream speaker and the listener is the dream catcher. It's easy to want to fix or solve the problem. The purpose of this exercise is not to argue for your…