Relationship Challenges

Relationship Challenges

You aren't the same person you were when you got married. So, why do you expect your spouse to be? Learn how to fix a broken marriage before it's too late.

It’s the worst feeling in the world, when you realize your marriage is broken. You never thought this would happen. In the beginning, you felt it would last forever. Of course, you were mesmerized by the newness of the relationship. You did not see any of your partner’s flaws.

At the beginning of your relationship you never thought you would have to worry about, how to fix a broken marriage.

All marriages go through highs and lows. But, it feels much worse when it is broken. You wonder if it can ever be fixed? Your heart is breaking. You wonder if you will ever get through this?

There is no magic wand here. I have seen many couples in my practice. By the time they come to see me, they are usually on the brink of divorce. They have lots of questions for me. ‘Can you fix us?’ ‘Is it worth it?’ And, so on. I tell them, I have no magical answers. I know you will need to make an investment in your relationship, again. The truth is some couples make it and some don’t.

Here are 7 tips on how to fix a broken marriage:

  1. What made you fall in love, in the first place?After being married for a while, it’s easy to forget what you like about your spouse. What…

Read more: How To Fix A Broken Marriage Before It's Too Late

Learn what the negative sentiment override is, and how to get out of it.

You heard it right. If you don’t know what the negative sentiment override is, then let me tell you.

The Gottmans have done over four decades of research with couples. They found that couples either have the positive sentiment override, or the negative sentiment override.

When you are stuck in the negative sentiment override, 50% of the time you don’t notice the positive in the relationship. Meaning, even when things are going well the relationship is ridden with the negative sentiment override.

When the relationship is in the positive sentiment override. You know when your husband tells you he’ll be home for dinner he is. Or, if he calls and tells you he’s stuck in traffic you know he is. You aren’t constantly doubting the relationship or thinking negatively of your partner. You also have positive things to say about your partner to your friends and family.

Answer true or false to the following questions to find out if you are stuck in the negative sentiment override:

 

  1. I felt hurt.
  2. I felt misunderstood.
  3. I thought, "I don't have to take this."
  4. I felt innocent of blame for this problem.
  5. I thought to myself, "Just get up and leave."
  6. I was angry.
  7. I felt disappointed.
  8. I felt unjustly accused.
  9. I thought, "My partner has no right to say those things."
  10. I was frustrated.
  11. I…

Read more: Are You Stuck In The Negative Sentiment Override In Your Relationship?

We all know money causes relationship problems. Learn how to manage these problems

Men and women have been arguing about money since the beginning of time. Maybe, you make a lot of money, maybe you don’t. Whether you do or not, you still have your differences about money. Is your partner more of a saver? Are you more of a spender? You can have your differences about money and still have a happy marriage.

What you first need to do is take a close look at why money causes relationship problems.

Do you avoid talking about these issues? Do you hide the credit card bill? Do you tell your child not to tell dad what you bought? If you said yes to any of these questions, then there are problems with money in your relationship.

A nurturing and supportive relationship requires honesty and understanding. Your beliefs about money go way back. You learned them from your family of origin. How did your parents communicate about money? Did they argue a lot about money? Did you feel the playing ground was equal, or did one person make all the decisions about spending. Maybe, you grew up in an environment that was chaotic, and decisions were made impulsively about spending.

The first step is sitting down with your partner and having a conversations about where your beliefs came from about money. You need to be gentle in the conversation. Don’t start…

Read more: Learn Why Money Causes Relationship Problems & What To Do About It

Can you think of at least 10 ways to love someone? It's not that difficult, start with saying, thank you.

How do you show love to your partner? That is the question. What is the first thing you think of when you hear, 10 ways to love someone?

Most of the time you show love the way you receive love. For example, if you like to touch, then you may hold your partners hand. If you like to receive compliments, then you may compliment your partner on how smart they are.

There are many ways to show love. What’s important is that your partner gets that you are showing and expressing love towards them. If you have been in a relationship for a while, then you know relationships are about giving and receiving.

Here are 10 Ways To Love Someone:

  1. Listen to your partner. This is one of the kindest things you can do for your partner. I have seen a lot of couples in my practice, and I hear this a lot, ‘I don’t feel heard.’ Set aside time each day to talk about your day with your partner. Make sure you both get a chance to speak.
  2. Touch your partner.Everyone likes to be touched by the one they love. You can hold hands or rub up against one another in a playful way. After you have been in a relationship for a while, this one can be overlooked. Make sure you touch and…

Read more: 10 Ways To Love Someone (That Are Really Simple)

Learn why money causes problems in your relationship and what you can do about it.

Is money the root of all evil? Can you learn why money causes problems in your relationship?

That really is the question. How often do you come across somebody that doesn’t want to make more money? I’m sure you probably want to make more money yourself. But, then what happens? You no sooner start making more money, and it’s not enough. Perfect example of money causing problems

So, how does this play out in your relationship? Whether both people in a relationship work outside the home, or one works outside the home. Money matters will always come up in a relationship. Let me just say, if you have decided to stay home with the children and take care of the house, then you have a full time job. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Unfortunately, in our society money equals power. It’s been that way for a long time. So, if you are the one staying home or you make less than your partner, then it may be used against you. If that’s the case, then you will need to speak up for yourself. Don’t be shy, let your partner know how hard you work, and what your worth is.

You don’t want to sweep the subject of money under the carpet, either. Often times, the job of making sure the bills are paid is put on the…

Read more: Learn Why Money Causes Problems In Your Relationship

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Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

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