So many of my single clients ask me, 'why am I still single?' They feel they are doomed in relationships. I ask them, "are you truly being honest with yourself?" How open are they to their friends and family's constructive advice? How open are they to therapy and taking a closer look at themselves? Many of my clients complain that they repeat the same dating patterns. I have found that many single people, may be sabotaging their chances of happiness without realizing it. It's surprising how many single men and women feel they don't deserve a loving relationship.
I live and practice in the Bay Area, and many people complain it's hard to meet single people. I tell them, they are in charge of their attitude and they are responsible for how they come across to people. They need to understand they are responsible for their happiness and who they allow into their lives. This may be hard to read, but you need to read it. If you are always attracting people towards you that are non committal it may actually be "you" that has the fear of a relationship actually working out long term.
First Impressions and Things to Be Aware Of:
- Being too available (coming across as desperate)
- Putting someone on a pedestal or idolizing them
- Pessimistic or negative comments
- Insecure opening lines: "Why me? You are the first date I've had in a year."
- How they treat others in their surroundings
- Body language
- Clothing statements
- Were they on time?
- Were there too many expectations to early?
- Were there negative remarks about an EX?
- Was the conversation shared equally?
- Did they have sexual expectations?
- Was there eye contact and great body language during the date?
Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in San Mateo, CA. For more information, please visit www.LessonsforLove.com.