"Make sure your worst enemy doesn't live between your own two ears." Laird Hamilton

We have been brought up to believe we can have it all and we can do it all. Really, it doesn't take long to figure out this is a lie. We are working harder than we have ever worked. We are working both in the home and outside of the home. Many of us are left feeling that we are barely keeping up. I say, "who are we trying to keep up with, anyway, The Kardashians?" Hollywood has left us believing that not only can we have it all but we must look absolutely perfect, as well. I have many women friends and many women clients; and I have never come across one that doesn't want to change something about the way they look. 'I'm to fat, my nose is too big, I don't make enough money or I'm just not pretty enough.' I hear this from women of all ages and ethnicity's. I have come to the conclusion women tend to be way harder on themselves than they are others and they need to change their internal dialogue. Here are five lies women are telling themselves:

  1. All or nothing thinking. This is one I hear a lot. "I've got to do a perfect job." Nobody is perfect, stop telling yourself that you have to be perfect. Go easy on yourself when you make a mistake and learn to move on.
  2. Disqualifying the positive. Sometimes, women tend to forget about the positive and focus on the negative. It's OK to want to improve yourself, but don't become obsessed with it. Instead of telling yourself, 'you're nose is too big,' tell yourself it is just right and that you are pretty.
  3. Should statements. Women, stop 'shoulding' on yourself. It really can get messy. Women always want to be a smaller size or a different body type. I tell them, embrace your curves and stop comparing yourself to models.
  4. Mind reading. We are always trying to figure out what others are thinking of us, and we tend to tell ourselves that it is bad, especially when it comes to other women. This can even stop us from trying new things because we are worried what others will think. I say, if you want to wear that hot pink blouse to the office, then wear it. Stop relying on others to make decisions for you and start making your own choices. 
  5. Fortune-telling. Women spend a lot of time trying to predict the future. Really, no one is capable of predicting the future. If that were the case, then the weather man/woman would always be right. Not only, are women always trying to predict the future but they are almost always predicting the worst possible outcome. Really, if you are going to spend all that time predicting the future, then why not predict a positive outcome.
These are also known as cognitive distortions. We are all guilty of them. If you find that you can't stop, then it's time to talk to someone about it. The way we think about our self, not only affects us but if affects those around us. For more help, please call me for a consultation at (650) 892-0357.

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Office Location 
Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

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