Taking Care Of Yourself

Taking Care Of Yourself

Being Single Doesn't Have To Suck

So many of my single clients ask me, 'why am I still single?' They feel they are doomed in relationships. I ask them, "are you truly being honest with yourself?" How open are they to their friends and family's constructive advice? How open are they to therapy and taking a closer look at themselves? Many of my clients complain that they repeat the same dating patterns. I have found that many single people, may be sabotaging their chances of happiness without realizing it. It's surprising how many single men and women feel they don't deserve a loving relationship. 

I live and practice in the Bay Area, and many people complain it's hard to meet single people. I tell them, they are in charge of their attitude and they are responsible for how they come across to people. They need to understand they are responsible for their happiness and who they allow into their lives. This may be hard to read, but you need to read it. If you are always attracting people towards you that are non committal it may actually be "you" that has the fear of a relationship actually working out long term. 

First Impressions and Things to Be Aware Of:

  • Being too available (coming across as desperate) 
  • Putting someone on a pedestal or idolizing them
  • Pessimistic or negative comments
  • Insecure…

Read more: Being Single Doesn't Have To Suck

Everyone Will Be O.K. If You Take A Day Off

'I'd really like to take time off, but I feel guilty."

'I just can't get motivated or stay focused."
'Life has been overwhelming."
Have you ever said any of those things? If the answer is yes, then you need to read this article. "We try to convince ourselves that feeling overwhelmed and stressed out and not having time to take a day off is normal -- but it's not normal," says Dr. Adam Perlman, executive director of Duke Integrative Medicine. "It's just your reality at the moment."
Unfortunately, we live in a workaholic culture. We must always be doing something or we aren't productive. This is the reason so many of us don't feel good. You can plan a vacation, a three-day weekend or just incorporate more breaks into your day. Remember, as human beings we are not computers and we need to take time to recharge our batteries. This is known as taking a mental health day.
Why You Need a Mental Health Day
We've all been there, you know that coworker that comes into the office with a cold. Even though, everyone insists she/he stay home, they don't. It's right before your vacation and you are worried you will catch it. Feeling mentally or emotionally down is not different. It's a legitimate reason to take a day off.
If you don't take one…

Read more: Everyone Will Be O.K. If You Take A Day Off

Don't Stop Believin': 10 Ways To Show Love To Yourself Today

"Love is the miracle cure. Loving myself works miracles in my life." Louise Hay

Everyone's heard this self-help platitude: We need to love ourselves before we can love anyone else. This may be true but we learn self-love by being loved, especially in the places where we feel most unsure and most vulnerable. If you show vulnerability in a relationship and it is met with disinterest or criticism, something inside of us starts to shrivel and we may think twice about ever sharing that part again. This actually starts in childhood.
Having said that, when you love yourself you are better able to receive love. It's easy to pick the parts you don't like about yourself. I hear it all the time in my practice. If I were to ask my clients three things they hate about themselves, the question would be easy to answer. But, when I ask them to tell me three things they love about themselves, they often sit there in silence. I tell them, three is a small number, there are many more great things about themselves. 
Why do people in our society struggle so much with loving themselves? We are human, we are not perfect and we all make mistakes. Stop hating yourself and start loving yourself. The psychological rewards will amaze you. You will have better health and…

Read more: Don't Stop Believin': 10 Ways To Show Love To Yourself Today

Women: Stop Telling Yourself Lies.

"Make sure your worst enemy doesn't live between your own two ears." Laird Hamilton

We have been brought up to believe we can have it all and we can do it all. Really, it doesn't take long to figure out this is a lie. We are working harder than we have ever worked. We are working both in the home and outside of the home. Many of us are left feeling that we are barely keeping up. I say, "who are we trying to keep up with, anyway, The Kardashians?" Hollywood has left us believing that not only can we have it all but we must look absolutely perfect, as well. I have many women friends and many women clients; and I have never come across one that doesn't want to change something about the way they look. 'I'm to fat, my nose is too big, I don't make enough money or I'm just not pretty enough.' I hear this from women of all ages and ethnicity's. I have come to the conclusion women tend to be way harder on themselves than they are others and they need to change their internal dialogue. Here are five lies women are telling themselves:

  1. All or nothing thinking. This is one I hear a lot. "I've got to do a perfect job." Nobody is perfect, stop telling…

Read more: Women: Stop Telling Yourself Lies.

10 Distractions For Singles

Feeling fried or less fabulous. Does being single have you down? No worries, nearly half the population is single, so, this means you aren't alone. Two words: distract yourself. Research shows that letting your mind wander increases creativity, reduces stress, and can even reduce pain. With that in mind, here are 10 fun distractions which will help you enjoy being single:

  1. Listening to positive and soothing music. Make up a new top ten iTunes playlist.
  2. Get out of the house. Go to the coffee shop to read the newspaper or go to the mall and people watch. Do not stay home all day and watch T.V.
  3. Go to the dog park. Even if you don't have a dog it's a great way to get out and possibly meet new people. Dogs love to play and this is good for your inner child.
  4. Take pictures and make new photo albums on Facebook. Make sure to tag all your friends that are in them.
  5. Cut out positive pictures from magazines and positive quotes. Place them on your refrigerator or somewhere, where you will see them.
  6. Call a friend you haven't seen in a while. I'm sure they'd love to hear from you.
  7. Take an art class. Let out your creative side, invite a friend to go with you.
  8. Play Words With Friends on your iPad or…

Read more: 10 Distractions For Singles

Contact Information

Office Location 
Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

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