Taking Care Of Yourself

Taking Care Of Yourself

As you know, Mother's Day was yesterday. I am so glad that I got to spend it with my mother. I never thought there could be anything worse than hearing you had breast cancer. But, I was wrong. Last month I found out my mother had cancer, marginal zone lymphoma to be exact. She has started treatment and has been doing well. This Mother's Day was a little extra special. She really is my favorite person and my best friend. She has always been there for me and I couldn't imagine life without her. This article is dedicated to her. Here are ten reasons I'm thankful for my mom

Her unwavering faith. She never gave up on us even through the hard times and she has always been there for me.
Her discipline and strong character. She has always been dedicated to her family. She is a great role model.
Her patience. I wish I could be as patient as her.
Her laughter. She has a great sense of humor and a special way about her.
For reading to me. She always emphasized getting a good education. If it weren't for her I probably wouldn't have my Master's degree.
For driving me to swimming lessons. She always said exercise was important. I totally agree, it's not just good for you physically but it's good for…

Read more: Thank you, Mother

3 Reasons To Embrace Rejection
"Everyday is a fresh start." Unknown

We've all been rejected at one time or another. Whether, we'd like to admit it or not. Nobody really likes it but it is a part of life. It's easy to have hurt feelings and want to blame the other person. What's best is to admit your part in it, regardless of how small it may be. Here are three things you can learn from rejection:

  1. You Learn How To Not Take Things Personally. You don't need to over think everything. Remember, life is a numbers game. It's not always about what you could have done better. Sometimes, the problem really is with the other person. Perhaps, that person rejected you because they are in a complicated relationship. Maybe, you didn't get the interview because the person went with a friend. Try not to take everything so personally, this will only cause stress over situations you can't control.                                                                     
  2. You Are More Secure With Yourself. Feeling secure with yourself is one of the best feelings. It's great when you can trust yourself. You aren't waiting for validation from everyone else. You trust your gut…

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"A loving and caring touch is a healing balm that soothes away the stress of the day." unknown

Stress impacts our relationship more than we are aware of. If you try and ignore it, then it only gets worse. Stress, is also contagious. It can bounce back and forth between partners. This makes it difficult for partners to enjoy one another and spend quality time together. If stress goes too long ignored, then it can turn into depression. This will leave you feeling isolated and alone. Here are four tips to help you overcome stress as a couple:

  1. Recognize stress symptoms. It's easy for couples to become accustomed to unchecked stress. They will overlook how destructive it can become. Some signs of stress are when you are snappy, withdrawn, moody, restless or overly excited. You may self-medicate by using drugs, alcohol, food, etc.
  2. Approach your partner. In a kind way ask your partner, what's going on? Make sure to be compassionate. Listen with empathy.
  3. Have the stress reducing conversation. This is where each person has a chance to be the speaker and the listener. Set aside some time where you won't be interrupted. This is not about giving your partner advice or trying to persuade them. This is where you allow your partner to talk about what is stressing them out. You validate what they…

Read more: Relaxation Is In

Five Signs You're Depressed But Don't Know It

Depression affects many people. The Centers for Disease Control estimates that 19 million Americans suffer from it. At some point in their lives, 10% to 25% of women and 5% to 12% of men will become clinically depressed. The ever changing economy and job market doesn't help. Depression is real and needs to be taken seriously. Here are five signs you're depressed:

  1. Conflicts quickly escalate into fights. One dumb way to dull to dull the feelings of helplessness that accompany depression, is to show people you aren't one to be run over. Get cut off on the freeway, run that person down. Be opinionated in everything you do. If you're lucky you'll have enough bruises to distract you from emotional pain.
  2. You have trouble accepting praise or goodwill. If you find yourself ignoring compliments or even feeling annoyed by them chances are you are depressed. Psychologist, Martin Seligman, studied the behavior of dogs that were given electric shocks. Eventually they would lay helplessly in their cages, not responding to tugs on their leashes that would have moved them safely from the shock. When you are depressed, sometimes you just don't see the obvious.
  3. You can't concentrate. We all suffer from scattered thoughts now and then. Those who are depressed but don't realize it may act out in fantasy. How do you distinguish a healthy daydream…

Read more: Five Signs You're Depressed But Don't Know It

Tips For Online Dating

This week I am devoting LessonsforLove to singles. You don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed if you are single. There are a growing number of singles these days and sometimes it's for good reason. I do a lot of work with couples in my practice but I also work with singles. One question I get a lot is 'Where can I meet the right person?' Sure, there are nightclubs, work, church, or maybe meeting someone at a party. For some people this has worked, and for other's it hasn't. One thing I always tell people when dating is to be open. This is a time to meet new people. There is nothing wrong with online dating; a lot of people are trying it. I have several friends that have met their husband online. Here are five tips to help when dating online:

  1. Make sure you know what you are looking for. If you are looking for a long term relationship, then don't be scared to say it. It's important to be honest, that way no one gets hurt.
  2. Choose a website that has respect for you. There are many websites out there these days. Make sure you find one that is right for you. Do a little research about the website. Ask your friends and family for recommendations. 
  3. Post a recent photo and…

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Lianne Avila, MFT
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San Mateo, CA 94404

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