Taking Care Of Yourself

Taking Care Of Yourself

The New Normal


Hello and welcome back. You may have noticed that I took a long needed break during the Holiday season, to enjoy time with family and friends. It's hard to believe that 2013 is over and 2014 has begun. The year flew by and after I had surgery in September, it seemed like 2013 was over in the blink of an eye. I'm glad to say I'm feeling much better and I'm excited for the New Year. This can be an exciting time, a time of new beginnings, or it can be a time to reflect back on the past year. Here are four tips to help you for The New Year:

  1. Spend time with good friends. Have a cup of tea or coffee with a friend. If you haven't heard from one in a while, then give them a call. Don't be shy; instead of looking up your friends on Facebook spend time with them. Make sure to ask questions and take a genuine interest in their life.
  2. Get some sunshine. Most people work inside all day in fluorescent light. They are also staring at a computer screen all day. Remember, to take a break and get some fresh air. This will help clear your mind, which will help you focus when you are at work. I recommend taking a ten minute break every…

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Dating After Breast Cancer


Now, the good news, you have been treated for breast cancer and have found out from your doctor that you are cancer free. You went through treatment single or now you have become single after being treated for breast cancer. You may feel apprehensive about meeting new people and dating. You may be nervous about telling people that you have had breast cancer or unsure when to give them this information. You may also feel anxious about starting a physical relationship.

Here are some tips on dealing with dating after breast cancer:

  • Remember, breast cancer doesn't define you. It doesn't have to be the first thing you tell someone or something you never stop talking about.
  • If your date can't handle the fact that you have had breast cancer, don't waste energy trying to change the situation. Accept it and move on.
  • Make sure your friends and family know you are looking for someone. The best way to meet someone is through someone you know.
  • Be open to new people and new experiences. Surviving breast cancer is a tough experience and it can shut you down. Try to look outward and be willing to connect with new people and new activities.
  • Keep up a supportive circle of friends and family. Just as having breast cancer doesn't define you, neither does having a partner. Enjoy…

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Dating and Relationship Advice for Men and Women - Why Are You Still Single?


So many of my single clients ask me, 'why am I still single?' They feel they are doomed in relationships. I ask them, "are you truly being honest with yourself?" How open are they to their friends and family's constructive advice? How open are they to therapy and taking a closer look at themselves? Many of my clients complain that they repeat the same dating patterns. I have found that many single people, may be sabotaging their chances of happiness without realizing it. It's surprising how many single men and women feel they don't deserve a loving relationship. 

I live and practice in the Bay Area, and many people complain it's hard to meet single people. I tell them, they are in charge of their attitude and they are responsible for how they come across to people. They need to understand they are responsible for their happiness and who they allow into their lives. This may be hard to read, but you need to read it. If you are always attracting people towards you that are non committal it may actually be "you" that has the fear of a relationship actually working out long term. 

First Impressions and Things to Be Aware Of:

  • Being too available (coming across as desperate) 
  • Putting someone on a pedestal or idolizing them
  • Pessimistic or negative comments…

Read more: Dating and Relationship Advice for Men and Women - Why Are You Still Single?

Three Tips to Help You Find Love


My single clients often ask me, 'will I ever find the one?' I tell them to focus on the process rather than the goal. What this means is, rather than focusing on how much you hate being single or making it a goal to find a life partner. Sit back and enjoy the process. Take this time to learn more about yourself and others. Here are three tips that will help you find love when you are single:

  1. Take a risk. Now is the time to try something new. If you don't put yourself out there, chances are you will never meet someone. Take a dance class, join a ski club, take a cooking class, and just try something new. Get out of your comfort zone and meet new people. I'm sure your married friends are great, but now is the time to join some new single groups.
  2. Don't assume everyone is a nincompoop. If you're single, then you have probably been hurt. You are not the only person that has been hurt or betrayed in a relationship. It's easy to tell yourself that you will never meet anyone, or that everyone out there that is single has something wrong with them. It's easy to get into the habit of telling yourself negative messages. I always tell my clients to stay away from…

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Single and Over 40
"Single" is an opportunity to live life on your own
terms and not apologize."
Mandy Hale

SO WHAT. I am not here to tell you anything stupid, like, "it must be lonely or you just don't get out enough." If you are over the age of 40 and single I am sure you have heard that and much more. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being in a relationship, either. But, if you aren't, stop beating yourself up. Many single people are buying homes, traveling and spending quality time with friends. Here are 7 tips on how to enjoy being single when you are over the age of 40:

  1. Take good care of yourself. A positive mindset and healthy lifestyle are a prerequisite for a relationship. How happy we are is reflected in our appearance and energy level. This is directly connected to our relationships.
  2. Learn from your past relationships. Being over 40 is finally the time to set priorities and know what is important in a relationship. It's also the time to learn from past mistakes. Do you see unhealthy patterns in past relationships? You can hire a counselor to help you identify and change those patterns.
  3. Practice flirting. People love to be around people that are fun and outgoing. Make sure to smile and make eye contact, but…

Read more: Single and Over 40

Contact Information

Office Location 
Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

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