Taking Care Of Yourself

Taking Care Of Yourself

Tips For Online Dating

This week I am devoting LessonsforLove to singles. You don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed if you are single. There are a growing number of singles these days and sometimes it's for good reason. I do a lot of work with couples in my practice but I also work with singles. One question I get a lot is 'Where can I meet the right person?' Sure, there are nightclubs, work, church, or maybe meeting someone at a party. For some people this has worked, and for other's it hasn't. One thing I always tell people when dating is to be open. This is a time to meet new people. There is nothing wrong with online dating; a lot of people are trying it. I have several friends that have met their husband online. Here are five tips to help when dating online:

  1. Make sure you know what you are looking for. If you are looking for a long term relationship, then don't be scared to say it. It's important to be honest, that way no one gets hurt.
  2. Choose a website that has respect for you. There are many websites out there these days. Make sure you find one that is right for you. Do a little research about the website. Ask your friends and family for recommendations. 
  3. Post a recent photo and…

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Want the Life You Have


"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."
Arthur Ashe

I have seen a lot of people in my practice and many of them come in, because they want to make changes in their life. They aren't happy with the life they have. They may feel anxious or depressed. I tell them to live in the present, stop dwelling about the past and stop predicting the future. Here are six steps to help you want the life you have:

  1. Begin and end each day with gratefulness. When you wake up in the morning take a minute to remind yourself of what you are grateful for. Remember a special person in your life that you look up to. It can be a grandparent or a friend that helped you out. Before bed, make a list of 25 things you are grateful for.
  2. Stop resisting change. The truth is, many of us are afraid of change, because it's unknown. Your current situation may not be one that you like, but you know it and know how to handle it. The first step is to control your fear. Change is a risk we need to take to change our life.
  3. Stop comparing yourself to others. We live in a county where the media has a great influence. Everyone is rich and beautiful…

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The New Normal


Hello and welcome back. You may have noticed that I took a long needed break during the Holiday season, to enjoy time with family and friends. It's hard to believe that 2013 is over and 2014 has begun. The year flew by and after I had surgery in September, it seemed like 2013 was over in the blink of an eye. I'm glad to say I'm feeling much better and I'm excited for the New Year. This can be an exciting time, a time of new beginnings, or it can be a time to reflect back on the past year. Here are four tips to help you for The New Year:

  1. Spend time with good friends. Have a cup of tea or coffee with a friend. If you haven't heard from one in a while, then give them a call. Don't be shy; instead of looking up your friends on Facebook spend time with them. Make sure to ask questions and take a genuine interest in their life.
  2. Get some sunshine. Most people work inside all day in fluorescent light. They are also staring at a computer screen all day. Remember, to take a break and get some fresh air. This will help clear your mind, which will help you focus when you are at work. I recommend taking a ten minute break every…

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Dating After Breast Cancer


Now, the good news, you have been treated for breast cancer and have found out from your doctor that you are cancer free. You went through treatment single or now you have become single after being treated for breast cancer. You may feel apprehensive about meeting new people and dating. You may be nervous about telling people that you have had breast cancer or unsure when to give them this information. You may also feel anxious about starting a physical relationship.

Here are some tips on dealing with dating after breast cancer:

  • Remember, breast cancer doesn't define you. It doesn't have to be the first thing you tell someone or something you never stop talking about.
  • If your date can't handle the fact that you have had breast cancer, don't waste energy trying to change the situation. Accept it and move on.
  • Make sure your friends and family know you are looking for someone. The best way to meet someone is through someone you know.
  • Be open to new people and new experiences. Surviving breast cancer is a tough experience and it can shut you down. Try to look outward and be willing to connect with new people and new activities.
  • Keep up a supportive circle of friends and family. Just as having breast cancer doesn't define you, neither does having a partner. Enjoy…

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Dating and Relationship Advice for Men and Women - Why Are You Still Single?


So many of my single clients ask me, 'why am I still single?' They feel they are doomed in relationships. I ask them, "are you truly being honest with yourself?" How open are they to their friends and family's constructive advice? How open are they to therapy and taking a closer look at themselves? Many of my clients complain that they repeat the same dating patterns. I have found that many single people, may be sabotaging their chances of happiness without realizing it. It's surprising how many single men and women feel they don't deserve a loving relationship. 

I live and practice in the Bay Area, and many people complain it's hard to meet single people. I tell them, they are in charge of their attitude and they are responsible for how they come across to people. They need to understand they are responsible for their happiness and who they allow into their lives. This may be hard to read, but you need to read it. If you are always attracting people towards you that are non committal it may actually be "you" that has the fear of a relationship actually working out long term. 

First Impressions and Things to Be Aware Of:

  • Being too available (coming across as desperate) 
  • Putting someone on a pedestal or idolizing them
  • Pessimistic or negative comments…

Read more: Dating and Relationship Advice for Men and Women - Why Are You Still Single?

Contact Information

Office Location 
Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

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