Lessons For Love Relationship Advice Blog

The Protestant Work Ethic Doesn't Always Work in the Bedroom


Perhaps, it's time to bring the mystery back to the bedroom.

"If you want to have a harmonious relationship you must learn to communicate and compromise . . ." Milana May

Here are three helpful tips to bring the spark back in the bedroom.

America prides itself on efficiency, we are a goal oriented society. We are raised to believe we are what we make and that our bank account defines us. So, what does this mean, can we ever have enough? I hear this all the time in counseling. 'I wish I had a bigger house, a better car, more clothes or more in my savings account.' I tell my clients you can't always define success by your back account, and believe it or not this can affect what happens in the bedroom.

What this all means, is that we have been socialized to control our sexual urges and our appetite for sex. I know, many of you are thinking, we've rented videos, taken baths together, and have been committed to our weekly date but we still have a dull sex life. Passion is unpredictable; it doesn't follow the rules of cause and effect. What works one time may not work another time. This is when it's time to try something off the beaten path. Here are a few tips to get you started:

  1. Talk about…

Read more: The Protestant Work Ethic Doesn't Always Work in the Bedroom



Six Reasons to Be Happy You Are Single on Valentine's Day

"Valentine's Day = Single Awareness Day" Anonymous

I know, here we go again another Valentine's Day and you're still single. Everybody tells you it's no big deal, you still have great friends and family. Here are six reasons to count your blessings on Valentine's Day.

  1. There's no Valentine's Day awkwardness or pressure. You don't have to worry about whether or not you should buy him a gift or make him dinner, what color roses you should bring her, or what your partners expectations are for the day. There's no pressure as to whether you should take a young relationship to the next level or not, nor is there an expectation to reignite a lost spark.
  2. Make the day about you and the things you love. You hate roses but love carnations - so buy yourself some. Stay in and indulge in the guilty pleasures you don't get enough of: favorite foods, trashy television, a bubble bath or new book. Pamper yourself, guilt-free.
  3. You're going to save money. Valentine's Day, with it's romantic dinners, flowers and sexy lingerie, can get pricey. Instead, count your financial blessings and buy those chocolates half price on the 15th.
  4. You can celebrate where you're at right now. Be grateful you aren't in a bad relationship. The future is open to endless beautiful possibilities. Choose hope, rather than self-pity.
  5. You have a great excuse to hang out with your single friends. Whether you're gushing over Valentine's Day chick flicks together or rebelling with horror films and Chinese takeout, Valentine's Day can be a great day of bonding. If you're disappointed to miss out on a candlelit dinner, host a semi-formal dinner party that celebrates friendship and singleness. (Being single doesn't mean you have to go without champagne, either.)
  6. You won't get dumped on Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day isn't only about celebrating romantic love, it is about celebrating all types of love. 

Read more: Valentine's Day Special Edition

Valentine's Day - 10 Ways to Enjoy it More


Every February 14, across the United States and throughout the world, chocolate, roses and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. The history of St. Valentine has a few different meanings. The Catholic church recognizes St. Valentine as three different Saints. Valentine's Day has grown to be the second most popular card sending holiday after Christmas. I know, some of you are thinking it's been commercialized to make money for all the card selling companies. Actually, Valentine's Day is one of my favorite days. It reminds us about the special people in our live's and to celebrate our love for one another. Here are some tips that will help you enjoy Valentine's Day this year:

  1. Feel it.  Allow yourself to feel the love you have in your life with every fiber in your body. There is no other feeling like it.
  2. Trust it. Have faith in the one you love and let go of your fears. It's only when you involve your whole being that you will get the most from your relationship.
  3. Build it. Spend the day doing something productive with your partner, tell one another what you appreciate about one another. This is a healthy relationship building activity.
  4. Relish it. Savor it let it soak in. Absorb the love. Take pleasure from every ounce of your…

Read more: Valentine's Day - 10 Ways to Enjoy it More


"Falling in love with your best friend is having the best of both worlds . . ." Anonymous

As many of you know I am a Marriage and Family Therapist. I have completed both the Level I & Level II training for couples by The Gottman Institute (GTI). In our research we have found trust begins and ends with emotional communication. Whether we like it or not, this is true for all. We have all been hurt by a relationship at some point in our life, but for those of us that believe in protecting trust there is hope. Dr. Gottman's research-based insights into the complex world of relationships offers us real and simplistic tools, you can easily apply to your relationship.

Think of the exercise below as a list of guidelines that will help nurture the friendship in your relationship and help make the love last. Remember every relationship is different and these aren't set in stone. The connections you create will bring you closer to your partner. Practice affection and trust will follow naturally.

Things to do for your partner:
Listen. Listen. Listen
Run errands for your partner.
Send your partner a loving text.
Compliment your partner, say thank you, praise his or her efforts around the house.
Wait on your partner when he or she is ill.
Buy a silly gift. Buy something inexpensive. Make it an inside joke.
Think fondly of your partner while he or she is at work.

Things to do together:
Hold hands.
Volunteer together.
Take a class together.
Wash the dishes together.
Take a shower or bath together.
Fold laundry.
Plan your future. Dream together.

This activity was found in The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening our Marriage, Family, and Friendships by Dr. Gottman's. To learn more about bids, emotional connection, and the many other building blocks of trust, be sure to check it out!

Read more: Life is Complicated Love is Simple: Nurture the Frienship

Contact Information

Office Location 
Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

Phone Number
(650) 892-0357

Map & Directions

Address: 1510 Fashion Island Blvd. Suite 110 San Mateo, CA 94404

Contact Us  Get Directions