Lessons For Love Relationship Advice Blog



Three steps to help you redefine your world when "Plan A" fails.

"Life is all about how you handle Plan B.
Plan A is always my first choice.
You know, the one where
Everything works out to be
Happily ever-after.
But, more often than not.
I find myself dealing with
The upside-down, inside-out-version -
Where nothing goes as it should.
It's at this point that the real
Test of my character comes in .. 
Do I sink, or do I swim? 
Do I wallow in self pity and play the victim
Or simply shift gears
And make the best of the situation?
The choice is all mine...
Life is all about how you handle Plan B."
by Suzy Toronto
Get real. Are you living your dream or are you living someone Else's dream? So, your life isn't perfect, do you know any one's that is? Stop comparing yourself to other's. There is always someone with more and always someone with less. Start to want the life you have.
Stay away from negative people. That's right, stay away from the drama queens that make everything about themselves - even your problems. A negative attitude is contagious; it will only bring you down in the long-run. On the upside, a positive attitude is contagious, keep the positive people close in your life.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. You are not alone. There are many people that aren't living the life they dreamed as a child, but that doesn't mean they have a bad life. If you feel like you keep going through the same thing over and over again, then it is time to ask for help.
Help is just a phone call away. You can reach me at (650) 892-0357 to set up a consultation.

Read more: Finding the Silver Lining in Loss


As a Marriage & Family Therapist, a lot of people ask me if they should give their partner a second chance? They say they will change, but I'm just not sure, should I give them another chance? People also ask me, why do people go back only to get their heart broken, again and again. As human beings we are born desiring the closeness of another. If a baby is left alone they will eventually die. It's natural to desire a relationship to not want to be alone. This is why I say hang on to your dreams, just make sure the person you are with loves and respects you for who you are.

Here are three questions to ask yourself - Should I Stay or Should I Go?

  1. Is your relationship good enough? This is a subjective, but effective measurement that always seems to work. Relationships are never perfect and at times can be somewhat difficult. But, in the good ones you should feel the trade-offs are worth it. He always leaves the toothpaste cap off, but he makes you laugh like no one ever has. He is messy, but he has never forgotten your birthday or anniversary. And so on. Trouble starts when the list of what is wrong outweighs the list of what is right.
  2. How much joy do you experience…

Read more: Should I give my partner a second chance?


How to Break Out of a Bad Mood:

Believe it or not, how you feel can affect how your partner feels. When you wake up in the morning are you excited for the day, or are you thinking here we go again? When you come home at the end of the day do you know your partner is excited to see you, or do they ignore you? While you are away from your partner do you know they are thinking fondly of you, or do you wonder if they are thinking negatively about you? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then this is the article for you. 

Here are 10 cognitive distortions that could be causing your partner to turn away from you:

  1. All-or-nothing thinking: You look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories.
  2. Overgeneralization: You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
  3. Mental filter: You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positives.
  4. Discounting the positives: You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities "don't count."
  5. Jumping to conclusions: (A) Mind reading - you assume that people are reacting negatively to you when there's no definite evidence for this; (B) Fortune-telling - you arbitrarily predict that things will turn out badly.
  6. Magnification or minimization: You blow things way up out of proportion or you shrink their…

Read more: Are We Feeling Good?

The Protestant Work Ethic Doesn't Always Work in the Bedroom


Perhaps, it's time to bring the mystery back to the bedroom.

"If you want to have a harmonious relationship you must learn to communicate and compromise . . ." Milana May

Here are three helpful tips to bring the spark back in the bedroom.

America prides itself on efficiency, we are a goal oriented society. We are raised to believe we are what we make and that our bank account defines us. So, what does this mean, can we ever have enough? I hear this all the time in counseling. 'I wish I had a bigger house, a better car, more clothes or more in my savings account.' I tell my clients you can't always define success by your back account, and believe it or not this can affect what happens in the bedroom.

What this all means, is that we have been socialized to control our sexual urges and our appetite for sex. I know, many of you are thinking, we've rented videos, taken baths together, and have been committed to our weekly date but we still have a dull sex life. Passion is unpredictable; it doesn't follow the rules of cause and effect. What works one time may not work another time. This is when it's time to try something off the beaten path. Here are a few tips to get you started:

  1. Talk about…

Read more: The Protestant Work Ethic Doesn't Always Work in the Bedroom

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Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

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