At the beginning of a relationship, when everything is new. You can’t imagine you would ever have any kind of a challenge in your relationship. You can’t see your partner’s flaws. The relationship makes you feel wonderful.
But, eventually the honeymoon is over. You start to see your partner as a real human being. With flaws, like the rest of us.
The Gottman’s research has found, that 69% of problems in a relationship are unsolvable. This means, learn to understand your partner and your problems in the relationship. Nothing is as black and white as it seems.
I’m sure, by now, you have heard of self care. So, the question is why aren’t you doing it? I know, you have a million things to do. You aren’t sure if you’ll ever get them done, but you are sure going to try. This could come with a cost. That cost, is you.
Nobody can do it all. But, you are lead to believe that you can. It’s alright to chip away at your to do list. Do a little today and then a little tomorrow, and so on. Make sure you listen to your body and take breaks when you need to.
Are you overwhelmed by stress? If you said yes, then you are like many Americans. Research shows that 60% of people in poor health, have high levels of stress. So, what are you stressing about? Money, work, kids, relationships and the list goes on.
I think the biggest lesson I have learned being a Marriage & Family Therapist is, we can’t go back and we can’t predict the future. If you stress about any of these things and you don’t stop. You are putting your health at risk.
What happened to faith? To something much more powerful than any human being. Why are we losing our faith, and letting stress take over? You focus on what you don’t have, rather than what you do have. The never enough syndrome. Once you buy a house, you want a bigger one and so on. It never stops. This leaves you feeling depleted and overwhelmed.
Love is a wonderful feeling. If you don’t have it, you want it. But, you need to be careful with your feelings. Sometimes, they play tricks on you. Especially when sex comes into the equation. It’s easy to get carried away.
We’ve all made that mistake. This can cause you to not trust yourself. Which can prevent you from finding and falling in love. You feel happier when you know someone loves you and has your best interest at heart.
The first step is learning to trust yourself. You can make good choices for yourself. You have learned from the past. You know what your red flags are. That is a really good place to be. If you aren’t at that place, that’s alright. You will get there, just give it time.
It’s the worst feeling in the world, when you realize your marriage is broken. You never thought this would happen. In the beginning, you felt it would last forever. Of course, you were mesmerized by the newness of the relationship. You did not see any of your partner’s flaws.
All marriages go through highs and lows. But, it feels much worse when it is broken. You wonder if it can ever be fixed? Your heart is breaking. You wonder if you will ever get through this?
There is no magic wand here. I have seen many couples in my practice. By the time they come to see me, they are usually on the brink of divorce. They have lots of questions for me. ‘Can you fix us?’ ‘Is it worth it?’ And, so on. I tell them, I have no magical answers. I know you will need to make an investment in your relationship, again. The truth is some couples make it and some don’t.