When you are stuck in the negative sentiment override, 50% of the time you don’t notice the positive in the relationship. Meaning, even when things are going well the relationship is ridden with the negative sentiment override.
When the relationship is in the positive sentiment override. You know when your husband tells you he’ll be home for dinner he is. Or, if he calls and tells you he’s stuck in traffic you know he is. You aren’t constantly doubting the relationship or thinking negatively of your partner. You also have positive things to say about your partner to your friends and family.
Men and women have been arguing about money since the beginning of time. Maybe, you make a lot of money, maybe you don’t. Whether you do or not, you still have your differences about money. Is your partner more of a saver? Are you more of a spender? You can have your differences about money and still have a happy marriage.
Do you avoid talking about these issues? Do you hide the credit card bill? Do you tell your child not to tell dad what you bought? If you said yes to any of these questions, then there are problems with money in your relationship.
A nurturing and supportive relationship requires honesty and understanding. Your beliefs about money go way back. You learned them from your family of origin. How did your parents communicate about money? Did they argue a lot about money? Did you feel the playing ground was equal, or did one person make all the decisions about spending. Maybe, you grew up in an environment that was chaotic, and decisions were made impulsively about spending.
The first step is sitting down with your partner and having a conversations about where your beliefs came from about money. You need to be gentle in the conversation. Don’t start…
He loves me, he loves me not. This is one of the most important decisions that you will ever make in your life.
It’s actually a good thing that you are questioning the relationship. How do your friends and family feel about him? Would you bring him around your friends and family? I’m sure you know where I’m going with this. But, there is still much more to this. Is this the guy you want to grow old with?
Now, I’m not talking about how much money he makes or where he went to college. What does your gut tell you? This isn’t about those nice to have qualities. This is about the qualities that he MUST have.
I know you know about putting your oxygen mask on first in an airplane. So, why are you putting yours on last? In the end you aren’t helping anyone.
Are you starting to wonder why you are feeling burnt out, and don’t enjoy your family anymore? If you answered yes, then you are definitely in the danger zone. If you don’t change now, you will definitely regret it. You could end up depressed or ridden with anxiety.
Unfortunately, you can't find many reasons not to love yourself. You aren’t pretty enough, rich enough, tall enough, and many more. How much time do you spend criticizing yourself? I think as human beings you are prone to criticize yourself. Is this because you compare yourself to others, all the time? This is always a set up for disaster. If it doesn’t stop, you can end up with anxiety or depression.
One thing I always tell my clients, is that you can’t go back and you can’t really predict the future. So, what does this mean? Live in the present. If you are filled with regrets about the past or are constantly worried about the future, then you miss out on the present moment. What about that beautiful smile your child just gave you or the birds chirping. What a beautiful sight and a beautiful sound. Stop comparing yourself to other and stop criticizing yourself.
This means it’s time to be good to yourself. There is nobody else like you. This means you are special. This is not the same as being self-absorbed. This means you don’t hate yourself. When you love yourself, you will attract people into your life that respect you and love you for the person you are.