Lessons For Love Relationship Advice Blog

Learn what the negative sentiment override is, and how to get out of it.

You heard it right. If you don’t know what the negative sentiment override is, then let me tell you.

The Gottmans have done over four decades of research with couples. They found that couples either have the positive sentiment override, or the negative sentiment override.

When you are stuck in the negative sentiment override, 50% of the time you don’t notice the positive in the relationship. Meaning, even when things are going well the relationship is ridden with the negative sentiment override.

When the relationship is in the positive sentiment override. You know when your husband tells you he’ll be home for dinner he is. Or, if he calls and tells you he’s stuck in traffic you know he is. You aren’t constantly doubting the relationship or thinking negatively of your partner. You also have positive things to say about your partner to your friends and family.

Answer true or false to the following questions to find out if you are stuck in the negative sentiment override:

 

  1. I felt hurt.
  2. I felt misunderstood.
  3. I thought, "I don't have to take this."
  4. I felt innocent of blame for this problem.
  5. I thought to myself, "Just get up and leave."
  6. I was angry.
  7. I felt disappointed.
  8. I felt unjustly accused.
  9. I thought, "My partner has no right to say those things."
  10. I was frustrated.
  11. I…

Read more: Are You Stuck In The Negative Sentiment Override In Your Relationship?

We all know money causes relationship problems. Learn how to manage these problems

Men and women have been arguing about money since the beginning of time. Maybe, you make a lot of money, maybe you don’t. Whether you do or not, you still have your differences about money. Is your partner more of a saver? Are you more of a spender? You can have your differences about money and still have a happy marriage.

What you first need to do is take a close look at why money causes relationship problems.

Do you avoid talking about these issues? Do you hide the credit card bill? Do you tell your child not to tell dad what you bought? If you said yes to any of these questions, then there are problems with money in your relationship.

A nurturing and supportive relationship requires honesty and understanding. Your beliefs about money go way back. You learned them from your family of origin. How did your parents communicate about money? Did they argue a lot about money? Did you feel the playing ground was equal, or did one person make all the decisions about spending. Maybe, you grew up in an environment that was chaotic, and decisions were made impulsively about spending.

The first step is sitting down with your partner and having a conversations about where your beliefs came from about money. You need to be gentle in the conversation. Don’t start…

Read more: Learn Why Money Causes Relationship Problems & What To Do About It

This is one of the biggest decisions that you will ever make. Learn how to know if he's the one.

He loves me, he loves me not. This is one of the most important decisions that you will ever make in your life.

How will you know if he’s the one? It’s not as easy as picking petals off a flower, like you did when you were a child.

It’s actually a good thing that you are questioning the relationship. How do your friends and family feel about him? Would you bring him around your friends and family? I’m sure you know where I’m going with this. But, there is still much more to this. Is this the guy you want to grow old with?

Now, I’m not talking about how much money he makes or where he went to college. What does your gut tell you? This isn’t about those nice to have qualities. This is about the qualities that he MUST have.

So, if you're asking yourself, "does he love me?", here are 6 signs he's the one for you:

  1. You know you are his priority.If you ask him to go to an event that is important to you. He will, even if it means he has to take time off from work to go. If he travels for work, he checks in with you as soon as he lands and continues to text/call you. He let’s you know how the trip is going.…

Read more: 6 Things That Men Do When They're Head Over Heels In Love With You

Learn some simple tips for taking care of yourself.

You take care of everybody else, so, why aren’t you taking care of yourself?

I know you know about putting your oxygen mask on first in an airplane. So, why are you putting yours on last? In the end you aren’t helping anyone.

Are you starting to wonder why you are feeling burnt out, and don’t enjoy your family anymore? If you answered yes, then you are definitely in the danger zone. If you don’t change now, you will definitely regret it. You could end up depressed or ridden with anxiety.

Here are 5 tips to help you start taking care of yourself now:

  1. Start your day with mindfulness. I start everyday with 10-15 minutes of mindfulness. This helps me clear my mind and get ready for the day. Before I started this, I always woke up worrying about what I had to do that day and if I would have enough time to get it all done. Now, I know it’s alright if I don’t get everything done. There is always tomorrow, and the next day for that matter.
  2. Schedule time slots when you don’t work.You don’t have to have every time slot on your calendar filled with work. This may make you feel more productive, but you aren’t giving yourself a break. This will definitely lead to burning out in the long run. You…

Read more: Taking Care Of Yourself Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Family

Learn how to practice self love. When you do you will begin to see your life change.

I know you have heard of self love. The questions is, why aren’t you practicing it?

Unfortunately, you can't find many reasons not to love yourself. You aren’t pretty enough, rich enough, tall enough, and many more. How much time do you spend criticizing yourself? I think as human beings you are prone to criticize yourself. Is this because you compare yourself to others, all the time? This is always a set up for disaster. If it doesn’t stop, you can end up with anxiety or depression.

One thing I always tell my clients, is that you can’t go back and you can’t really predict the future. So, what does this mean? Live in the present. If you are filled with regrets about the past or are constantly worried about the future, then you miss out on the present moment. What about that beautiful smile your child just gave you or the birds chirping. What a beautiful sight and a beautiful sound. Stop comparing yourself to other and stop criticizing yourself.

This means it’s time to be good to yourself. There is nobody else like you. This means you are special. This is not the same as being self-absorbed. This means you don’t hate yourself. When you love yourself, you will attract people into your life that respect you and love you for the person you are.

Here…

Read more: 25 Ways To Practice Self Love

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