Setting boundaries is an important part of establishing your identity in a relationship. It’s important for your mental health and well-being.
There are all kinds of boundaries. They range from physical, emotional, social and your career. This means finding the balance in your relationship. This also means compromise.
Healthy boundaries in a relationship are good for your mental health.
QS Studies did a recent study on, how small is too small? Meaning does the size of your home affect your relationship? Is it more difficult to set boundaries when you live in a smaller space? Let’s find out.
The study began by accessing the living situation. About half of the couples found a new place together. The remaining half was split between couples, one person moved into the other’s home and vice versa.
They found moving into a partner’s home proved to be the most difficult. 63% felt they were encroaching on the other’s territory. This created stress for the relationship. Even when the partner that stayed put reported feeling stress free at first.
If you have ever lived with someone, then you know it comes with certain sacrifices. This means that there is change. Which wasn’t all bad. Couples did have more time together, which they enjoyed. But, 1 in 3 reported that they had less me time.
There were also some other interesting facts when it came to the size of your home. The smaller the home meant couples had less sex. The larger the home meant they were more patient and spent more time together. But, if the home was too large they began to become less patient with one another.
Moving into together also meant more arguments. The top argument was about chores. Cleaning habits and paying bills were close runner ups. But, they were least likely to argue about child care and parenting.
Don’t get the study wrong, moving in together can be a wonderful part of a relationship. Another reason arguments around chores came up after moving in together, was because there wasn’t a need to discuss it before moving in together.
Here are 7 healthy boundaries in a relationship:
- Have self respect. This is where it all begins. Its starts with you feeling good about yourself. This will help you set boundaries that you will feel good about.
- Stay away from the pleasing trap. This is an easy one to get stuck in. You want to please your partner. You may feel you need to do this, so your partner will not reject you. When you are stuck in the pleasing trap, you will eventually feel contempt. Meaning feeling better than in the relationship. This can ruin a relationship.
- Balance the power in the relationship. When one person is in charge of making all of the important decisions, it will lead to burn out on both sides. You will not feel heard. This is another way contempt will build. This also doesn’t help build trust.
- Stop saying yes when you mean no. You may feel you have to say yes. You may feel you are the only one that can do the job the right way. This will also lead to burn out. When you start to say no. You are saying yes to yourself.
- Set aside time for yourself. Make sure you have time for yourself each day. It can start with 10 minutes a day. Have a cup of coffee in the morning and write in your journal. Have a mental health day. This is when you set the entire day aside for yourself. You can go to a Hotel and relax by the pool or go for a hike. Make sure it is something that brings you joy.
- Ask for help when you need it. You aren’t Superwoman, and you shouldn’t be with someone that expects you to be. Don’t let your pride get in the way. If you need an extra hand in the kitchen ask for it. You will feel better when you do this.
- Stop feeling guilty. Setting boundaries is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. You have been taught to put others first. But, this comes with a cost. Meaning your mental health will eventually suffer. It’s true, you can’t take care of anyone else until you have taken care of yourself. So, stop feeling guilty about it and make yourself a priority.
Just as it is important for you to set boundaries, it’s important that you respect your partner’s boundaries. This will help balance your relationship. Which is what we all want.
If you liked this article, there are more in Relationship Challenges. You will find many helpful free tips, that will help you create the happy and successful relationship you have always wanted.
Lianne Avila is a Marriage & Family Therapist helping couples in San Mateo, CA who are looking to rebuild a close emotional connection and get their relationship back on track. Please subscribe to Lianne’s newsletter on www.LessonsforLove.com to learn more about her services and expertise.