You can learn to trust yourself, again.

I hear this a lot. You really like this guy, but you can’t help but wonder how seriously he takes you. You think about him all the time. You just can’t get him off your mind. You’ve been hurt in the past, so it’s hard to trust your instincts. That is a natural way to feel after a break up. But, eventually you need to pick up the pieces and move forward.

How long have you been seeing him? If it’s been a while, why would he have stuck around if he didn’t take you seriously? Have you thought about that? Are you overthinking the relationship? I see this a lot. Try to stay in the present. Here are 6 more tips that can help you know if your man takes you seriously:

  1. He smiles when you are around. You know by his body language and his tone, without a doubt, that he is into you. This is an important one. You want your partner to be excited when he finally see’s you at the end of the day. You want to be his favorite part of the day. Without him saying a word, you know. What an amazing feeling. When you know your partner loves you. This will definitely help get you through the difficult times. Like, when the plumbing suddenly breaks down, and you are left with a huge bill.
  2. His actions speak louder than his words. It’s true, words need to be backed by action. If they aren’t, then it’s not sincere. When he apologizes, he doesn’t do the same thing again. You know he loves you because he says it. But, you also know it because he shows it. He remembers your anniversary. Not just when you officially started dating, but when you first met at your friends party. He’s willing to accept your brother’s quirks, because he knows this mean he gets to be with you. He’s willing to help you out with your car insurance payment and not throw it in your face. He’s doesn’t play Even Steven. He’s not just making one deposit in the bank, he is making many deposits over and over. And, he doesn’t need to be prompted over and over.
  3. He doesn’t try to change you. There is nothing worse than feeling, like your partner is trying to change you. He knows you love cats, and that is alright. He knows this because you grew up with cats, and it has meaning to you. So, he will make sure there is always a cat in your life. He knows you inside and out, and he accepts you inside and out. This is a great feeling. This let’s you know he has your back. This is really what you want in a relationship.
  4. He’s seen you at your worst, and hasn’t left. He stuck with you when you got fired from your job, and your roommate suddenly moved out. You really broke down at that time. But, that didn’t scare him away. He was there for you. He listened to you. You could cry in front of him, and not worry about being judged. Now, you’ve found a good job and have a great roommate. What a good feeling.
  5. You have the same spiritual beliefs. Now, I know this is a tricky one these days. We have all seen the Bible be used to manipulate and control. This is not what it is meant for. Let’s take a look at what some of the core teachings are of the Bible. Forgiveness, humility, honesty, openness, respect, and sacrificial giving. These are beliefs you need in a relationship, when you are in it for the long haul. It’s true, couples that pray together stay together.
  6. You know you are his priority. If you ask him to go to an event that is important to you. He will, even if it means he has to take time off from work to go. If he travels for work, he checks in with you as soon as he lands and continues to text/call you. He let’s you know how the trip is going. He talks about the details of his day. So, you know the important things that are happening at work for him. He will tell his mom he needs to call her back, when you are in the middle of an important conversation.

As human beings, you are designed to need a relationship in your life. But, you don’t want it to come at the cost of losing yourself in the process. You want your partner to be your best friend. The good news is this can happen, you just need to work at it.

Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, located in San Mateo, CA. She has helped many single women learn to trust themselves in a relationship. As a result, they thrive. For more information, please visit

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