Is he the one who got away? Learn how you can tell the difference.

I know this isn’t an easy question. ‘Is He The One Who Got Away?’

You’ve been seeing this guy for a while, and he has been hinting that he is ready to take the relationship to the next level. But, you just aren’t sure if he is the one for you. It’s alright to question your relationship.

Maybe, it’s not the right time or you just aren’t feeling that emotional connection that you really need. You used to look forward to his phone calls at the end of the day, but now they just exhaust you. It used to be exciting to hear about every last detail of his life, but now it’s just boring. You’re not quite sure how this happened but it did.

Here are 6 tips that will help you make one of the most important decisions of your life:

  1. Do you wonder if he knows what matters most to you? You have been with him long enough, where he knows your belief system. He also knows why you have the belief system you have. For example, every Monday night you go out singing with some of your closest friends. You do this because you enjoy their company, but you also do this because it reminds you of when you were younger and were the lead singer in a band. If he doesn’t take this seriously, then he’s probably not the one for you. Now, don’t get me wrong. He doesn’t have to understand why you need 15 throw pillows, or 15 different eye shadows. What’s important is that he can tolerate it, and that he understands you.
  2. Do your closest friends and family think he is just using you? I know this can be difficult. Sometimes your friends and family don’t like your partner. This may have something to do with them rather than your partner. But, if they don’t think he has your best interest at heart that is a different story. Make sure to hear them out. Do they feel your partner has wronged, either you or them? They are your friends and they do have your best interest at heart. You need to remember this.
  3. Do you feel drained when you spend time with him? Do you feel like you are giving up all of your dreams to be with him? Think back to when you first met. What was most important to you? Did you like going to the gym? If that’s the case, when was the last time you went? Don’t get me wrong, relationships come with sacrifices. But, if he is not supportive of your dreams, then it’s time to let him go.
  4. Do you wonder if he’s telling you the truth? He tells you he is going to stay home, but instead goes out with his friends. He says he will call, and then doesn’t. He lies about big and small things. You find yourself wondering, why did he even lie about that? You need to feel you can trust your partner. This is one of the most important things in a relationship. If he does fess up, does he have any remorse? Or, is it no big deal to him? Over time the lies add up. If you don’t feel you can trust him now, you won’t be able to trust him if you take the relationship to the next level.
  5. Does he bring you down instead of building you up? You don’t feel like you can be yourself with him. Maybe, you feel you have lost yourself in the relationship. If that’s the case, I don’t want you to feel stupid. This has happened to a lot of people in relationships. As human beings we need a relationship. Sometimes, you can take this too far. That feeling of not wanting to be alone can take over. I know this can be a hard one to swallow, because you have allowed this to happen. It’s important to know that when you are in the right relationship, you will feel you can truly be yourself around him. You will also feel more confident in the relationship, rather than less confident.
  6. Does your gut tell you he’s Mr. Wrong? I have learned, you really need to listen to your gut. It’s easy to talk yourself out of listening to your gut. If you do this, it’s a big mistake. Start to trust yourself. You know what’s best for you. If your friends tell you to stay. Ask yourself if they have your best interest at heart? Being alone can be difficult, but being with Mr. Wrong is even worse.

We’ve all been there. Is he the one? Questioning your decision is not a bad thing. You need to do more than pick petals off of daisies. If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it is a good idea to take a closer look.

If this is the person you are planning on spending the rest of your life with, then put in the work to find out if he is the one. In the long run it will pay off. And, you may actually find Mr. Right in the process.

If you liked this article, then you’ll love Dating 101. There are many more tips to help get you through the dating process more successfully.

Lianne Avila is a Marriage & Family Therapist helping singles in San Mateo, CA who are looking for support finding love. Please subscribe to Lianne’s newsletter on to learn more about her services and expertise.

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