Learn how to know if you're falling love and not in lust?

Love is a wonderful feeling. If you don’t have it, you want it. But, you need to be careful with your feelings. Sometimes, they play tricks on you. Especially when sex comes into the equation. It’s easy to get carried away.

So, how do you know if you’re falling in love and not in lust?

We’ve all made that mistake. This can cause you to not trust yourself. Which can prevent you from finding and falling in love. You feel happier when you know someone loves you and has your best interest at heart.

The first step is learning to trust yourself. You can make good choices for yourself. You have learned from the past. You know what your red flags are. That is a really good place to be. If you aren’t at that place, that’s alright. You will get there, just give it time.

Here are 5 signs that will help you know if you’re falling in love and not in lust:

  1. He shows affection, even when he knows it won’t lead to sex. If the person you are seeing, touches you without initiating sex. It’s likely he really likes you and enjoys spending time with you. You can experience an emotional connection by touching or holding hands. This is also known as loving touch. Whether it’s done privately or publicly, it’s done in a way that is gentle and warm. Loving touch respects boundaries and is done in a way that is comfortable for both parties.
  2. You have deep and interesting conversations outside of the bedroom. Does he take an interest in you, by asking you questions about yourself and your life? Does he want to know the details, as well? Does he give you the details of his life with little to no prompting? This doesn’t mean he takes over the conversation. Does he know your favorite food or vacation spot? Does he remember the conversations you’ve had? You can tell when he does, because he doesn’t  always ask the same questions. Do you feel he has a loving curiosity about you? If it’s just lust, he will not invest much time in conversations. And, usually just blatantly ask for sex.
  3. Does he talk about the future with you? Does he make plans to go to a concert next month with you? Is “we” starting to replace “I?” If the answer is yes, this is a good indicator it’s love. When you are committed to your partner you are comfortable talking about next month, the holidays or next year. This doesn’t guarantee what will happen 5-10 years down the road. But, I would definitely stay in it to find out.
  4. He introduces you to his friends and family. When the person you are seeing introduces you to the people that are most important to him, it’s a good indicator it’s not just a casual fling. You don’t have to wait for him to do it first. It’s alright to take the bull by the horns and do it first. This will definitely let him know you are serious. If he’s not, then he will probably run away. Try to do this in a relaxed setting, like a small party. This way the focus of attention will not be on you.
  5. You have a good friendship. A good friendship is the foundation to a good relationship. This will help with everything, including the intimacy. When you have a good friendship, you want to be with your partner. You’re not just in it for the booty call. A good friendship will help get you through the difficult times. It’s also a good indicator he wants to grow old with you and isn’t just coming back for the sex. You are also able to repair after an argument. This can simply be saying,’I’m sorry.’ You have a better understanding of his story, and he’s comfortable sharing it with you. As, you are with him.

It’s hard to say why some relationships make it and some don’t. I’m sure you have known a couple or two that you thought for sure would make it. But, they didn’t. I want you to be happy and find love. Even in this fast paced society, it is possible. If you haven’t found it yet, keep trying. There is hope, you will find that diamond in the ruff.

If you liked this article, there is more in Dating 101? There are plenty of articles that can help with the stages of dating, and how to know if he’s the one?

I’m Lianne Avila and I’m a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, in San Mateo, CA. I have helped many people just like yourself find happiness for themselves. Sign up for my free newsletter. You will receive tips on relationships and how to take care of yourself while you are dating. To learn more about me and the services I provide call (650) 892-0357 or email [email protected]

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