Don't let social media ruin a perfectly good relationship.

Who would of known that social media would of taken over like it has. I don’t think it’s going away anytime soon. This means you need to get used to it. I’ve always felt if you don’t want people to know something about you, then don’t post it on social media.

Does social media damage your relationship?

Sounds simple, but you know that is not always the case. I hear this a lot, someone posted something. You thought it was harmless, but then your partners feelings were hurt. If this keeps happening, it will drive a wedge in the relationship.

You also want to be careful about playing the comparison game on social media. People post their best side first on social media. You may feel like all of your friends and family on social media have an amazing life. That is not always the case. Just as you don’t post what’s going wrong in your life, neither do your friends and family.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think social media is a bad thing. But, you shouldn’t take it too seriously. If you are playing the comparison game, you will never win. This will leave you feeling depleted and empty.

Here are 6 things you don’t want to post on social media while in a relationship:

  1. You don’t want to overshare. A lot of people want to share the good times in their life on social media. This can be fine, most of the time. But, some people may see this as self indulgent or tacky. Also, some people like to share more than others. This is a good time to have a conversation with your partner about social media. Your partner may not be as excited to share on social media as you are. Or, only want certain things shared. It’s alright to have differences about wanting to share on social media. It’s important to work on a compromise, that you both agree on. This way no one gets their feelings hurt.
  2. Couples check social media instead of checking in with one another. This will cause your partner to feel neglected, because you are spending time on social media when you are spending time together. I don’t know how many times I go out to a restaurant and I see the couple next to me on their phones. They are out on a date. They should be talking to one another. I encourage couples to use ‘I’ statements when this happens. Let your partner know how you are feeling.
  3. Don’t continue to interact with your ex on social media. This can drive a wedge in your relationship. Photos of your ex are out there, and they are likely to pop up again on social media. Make sure your partner knows that you don’t have feelings anymore for your ex. Also, you don’t need to comment on posts that your ex makes. This can cause jealousy. Most likely, you have friends that your ex is friends with. Make sure that you and your partner have clear rules as to how you handle your ex on social media. This will help create safety in the relationship.
  4. Social media can cause major misunderstandings. In the days where social media rules, it can be anyone’s game. You may see a post from a friend that has your partner in it. You thought he was at work that day, turns out he wasn’t. Not only can this cause problems with your partner, it can cause problems with your friends.
  5. Checking social media before bed can put a damper on intimacy and affect sleep. If you are checking social media before bed, you partner will begin to feel neglected. Let’s face it social media can be addictive. The next thing you know an hour has gone by. Your partner may have given up and have gone to bed. Not only can this damper your sex life it can affect your sleep. I always tell clients no social media or screen time an hour before bed. The brain is a muscle and needs time to cool down. When you are on social media you are just keeping your brain awake.
  6. Don’t use social media to cover up uncertainty in your relationship. Sure, everyone wants to be in a perfect relationship. But, in reality there is no perfect relationship. When you post pictures that make you look perfect, you will begin to feel a lot of pressure. You are trying to live up to something that doesn’t exist. Not only does it not exist for you, it doesn’t exist for anyone. Let’s face it, all relationships go through highs and lows. If you are with a partner that makes you feel like you need to be perfect, then you are with the wrong partner.

It’s important to remember that you can’t keep a secret on social media. Whatever you post will be seen by a lot of people. This means you need to be selective about what you post. If you are having problems on social media about your relationship, then this could mean you have underlying problems. It’s important to talk to your partner about this. This may sound impossible, but if handled gently it can be done.

If you liked this article, there are more in Relationship Challenges. If you are having problems in your relationship, you are not alone. You will find helpful tips, that can help with communication.

Lianne Avila is a Marriage & Family Therapist helping couples in San Mateo, CA who are looking to rebuild a close emotional connection and get their relationship back on track. Please subscribe to Lianne’s newsletter on to learn more about her services and expertise.

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